Arya Stark- A Song Of Ice and Fire analysis

A Game of Thrones

‘Ah, Arya. You have a wildness in you, child. ‘The wolf blood’, my father used to call it. Lyanna had a touch of it, and my brother Brandon more than a touch. It brought them both to an early grave.’

One of the sad and poignant parts of reading these books by POV is that I consistently return to the Starks pre-horror and get to see their innocence and peace. Arya has, however, always struggled with her self-esteem and place, believing herself to be an outsider: ‘When Arya had been little, she had been afraid that meant that she had been a bastard too. It had been Jon she had gone to in her fear, and Jon who had reassured her.’

She wants to please her mother and be regarded as positively as Sansa is, and she is jealous and resentful of Sansa. ‘It wasn’t fair. Sansa had everything. Sansa was two years older; maybe by the time Arya had been born, there had been nothing left… Worse, she was beautiful.’ As do all the female characters, Arya struggles with her worth as she believes she is ugly. ‘Lyanna might have carried a sword, if my lord father had allowed it. You remind me of her sometimes. You ever look like her.’ ‘Lyanna was beautiful,’ said Arya startled. Everybody said so. It was not a thing that was ever said of Arya. ‘She was,’ Eddard Stark agreed, ‘beautiful and wilful, and dead before her time.’ I enjoy parallels between Arya and Lyanna and will continue to look out for them. I enjoy Arya’s feminism, as unlike characters like Cersei, she is not unhappy to be a woman. Instead, she wants more options for women and more respect for those who don’t conform to boundaries. Arya has a beautiful heart and perceives everything around her. She is kind and thoughtful, yet internalises a great deal of guilt and shame, and holds on to hatred. GRRM highlights these characteristics early on to show us her innate nature and add some depth to Arya’s decisions in later books. She is almost primed for the survival instincts and hatred she holds onto, with such intense anger and impulsivity at such a young age. When Arya is 9, she kills a boy, and this is something she can’t come back from, so she accepts it as part of her identity.

‘Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snow falls and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, Gods help me.’

Ned’s POV is used to set up and foreshadow a lot of events to come, for example, his comparison of Arya to Lyanna link to impulsivity and early death. I believe, however, Arya will be the one to subvert the foreshadowing and death trope. I think GRRM loves her too much, and with such survival instincts and unwillingness to give up, she will live to the end. It is her Stark nature (excuse the pun) that gives Arya some insecurity, but I love her relationship with Ned and Jon.

‘She found herself wishing that Jon was here with her now. Then maybe she wouldn’t feel so alone.’

Arya is impulsive, but she also internalised Ned’s advice and warnings, and I believe this will guide her through her journey and back towards her family, as will her love of Jon.  

A Clash of Kings

‘For a moment Arya stood uncertain, not knowing which way to go. Death was all around her.’

A Clash of Kings is really about Arya’s loss of her father and subsequently herself as her survival instincts have driven her to act in ways, she never believed she would. It is also the lead up to the arc which links death to her identity. We get to see how Arya perceives herself through her inner thoughts about Nymeria, for example, her shock and potential regret at becoming someone who has killed. ‘She probably wouldn’t even know me now, Arya thought. Or if she did, she’d hate me’. It is ironically her bravery and goodness that links Arya’s fate so closely to the world of the faceless ones, saving Jaqen from the fire: ‘Going back into that barn was the hardest thing she ever did.’

I know that there is much debate over who Arya decided to have killed by Jaqen and a great deal of frustration that she didn’t take out any key players. I think, however, it’s important to remember that she is genuinely a child and filled with rage. Also, she had a man killed on the basis of being an extreme misogynist so I cannot oppose her choice really. She is also doing what she can to survive now, in a perilous situation. This storyline also gives the reader insight into her growth. Arya chastises herself for her lack of reasoning:  ‘Suddenly she knew that she had made a terrible mistake. I’m so stupid, she thought… These men were the ones who mattered, the ones she ought to have killed… Lord Tywin, why didn’t I say Lord Tywin.’ From this point, she is more careful and strategic. Arya’s decision to essentially ransom Jaqen ultimately saves her life and lets her escape- she is incredibly smart and fearless.

Family:

‘Every night Arya would say their names. Back in Winterfell, Arya had prayed with her mother in the sept and her father in the Godswood, but there were no Gods on the road to Harrenhal, and her names were the only prayer she cared to remember.’ Arya ensures that she holds on to her rage, almost more so than comes naturally to her, to cope with her extensive grief and fear. It is a survival instinct. Her relationship with faith is very interesting, as she clearly has a belief and respect for religion, especially the old god’s and yet it is towards the gods that she questions the injustice she’s experienced:

‘The light of the moon painted the weirwood silvery white as she made her way towards it, but the firepointed red leaves turned black by night. Arya stared at the face carved into its trunk. It was a terrible face, its mouth twisted, it’s eyes flaring and full of hate. Is that was a god looked like? Could God’s be hurt, the same as people? I should pray, she thought suddenly.’

She is angry with the gods for not saving her father, and yet fears them. She takes Jaqen’s scolding for mocking the gods very seriously and he becomes almost a Godlike figure for Arya: ‘Maybe the gods had sent him in answer to her prayers’.

‘She yearned to see ger mother again, and Robb and Bran and Rickon but it was Jon Snow she thought of most.’ Arya continues to think of Jon so frequently and loves him alongside the feeling of belonging, particularly exacerbated by her low worry that she is losing herself, or becoming someone Cat won’t like. Her desire for her family is something that gives Arya a little bit of balance and calms some of the fire in her heart.

‘If Winterfell is truly gone, is this my home now? Am I still Arya, or only Nan the serving girl, forever and forever and forever?’

We come back to the Gods for Arya’s lion king/hamlet epiphany moment, a moment of reflection, where Arya lets herself grieve a little more and think about Ned. ‘Tell me what to do, you gods, she prayed.’ ‘Then so faintly, it seemed as if she heard her father’s voice. ‘When the snow falls and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.’ ‘But there is no pack’, she whispered to the weirwood. Bran and Rickon were dead, the Lannisters had Sansa, Jon had gone to the Wall. ‘You are Arya of Winterfell, daughter of the north. You told me you could be strong. You have the wolf blood in you.’ Reading by POV really hits me emotionally in a way that ASOIAF didn’t quite previously. I feel genuine goosebumps and sadness for the Starks at these moments, and I love connections to Ned and the North.

Gendry:

We are also introduced to Gendry, and whilst I’m going to need a colossal time-lapse for a relationship to feel anything less than creepy, I love that they are friends, and that their future dynamic could somewhat fulfil- and subvert- Robert and Ned’s desire to join their houses. There’s much more to say about Gendry in the next book, but for now, he is used to highlight Arya’s ability to read people, for example, her understanding that Gendry is more than he claims to be, and her acceptance that they are on a somewhat similar journey. This, and the space her gives her, really allows them to bond.

A Storm of Swords

Family:

‘Telling Harwin would be almost like telling her father and there were some things that she could not bear having her father know.’ ‘And her lady mother, what would she say? Would she still want her back, after all the things she’d done?’

Arya is still wracked with guilt and uncertainty, particularly when she believes she will be reunited with Robb and Cat and has to align her actions with her highborn upbringing. I don’t think she will feel peace or absolution until a reunion with a family member, however taken by the path of death she may be by then. We begin to see hints that her future and Catelyn’s- Stoneheart- will link when Arya meets the brotherhood: ‘Could you bring back a man without a head?’ Arya asked. ‘Just the once, not six times. Could you?’ ‘I do not have the power to give you back your father, no more than Thoros does, but I can at least see that you are returned safely to your mother’s arms.’ Beric instead brings Catelyn back to life when the time comes, and we leave the books so far with the knowledge that they are working to fulfil Cat’s oath to reunite with her daughters. Catelyn, as changed as is will, I believe, be the one to truly restore Arya to her name and bring her back to herself, providing a subverted version of belonging and safety. Through Catelyn, she will also see the extent to which this war has changed everyone, and hopefully lessen her own guilt. She will, of course, also be permanently changed by this encounter. Arya is currently on the vengeance versus mercy journey, that I think will end with her and Stoneheart’s reunion. I believe she will kill Stoneheart for mercy, brining a strange sense of peace for both mother and daughter. Sansa could never play this role and live to be the same person, but Arya has been so touched by darkness and sorcery that she can.

After reaching the setting of the red wedding and learning of Robb’s death, Arya really tries to hold on to faith that her mother is alive. She begins to warg regularly at this point, although lacks the control or purpose that Bran has. In warging, however, Nymeria finds Cat’s body and pulls it out the water. ‘This thing about your mother… (The Hound). ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Arya said in a dull voice. ‘I know she’s dead. I know she’s dead. I saw her in a dream.’ The Hound looked at her at long time, then nodded. No more was said of it.’

Arya’s isolation and loss of purpose is solidified when she learns that Sansa has married Tyrion:  ‘If Sansa was gone too, there were no more Starks but her.’

The Hound:

The hound is a representation of Arya’s morality, and their interactions show how much she wants to hold on to hate and how against her true nature this goes. ‘His arm, Arya thought, and his face. But he was the Hound. He deserved to burn in fiery hell.’

‘One night I’ll kill him in his sleep, she told herself, but she never day. One day I’ll ride away on Craven, and he won’t be able to catch me, she thought, but she never did that either. Where would she go?’

 I definitely wouldn’t go as far as to say they become friends, but they can gain something from each other, safety and passage in her case, and I think they have grown used to companionship. They are both lost and trying to decide what their lives should look like when they believe little is left. In her more positive moments, Arya longs to see Jon and reach the wall, but understands that this is unrealistic. Arya learns the price of a life driven by hatred through the hound and I think she has internalised this awareness more than she currently realises. It is when the hound is hurt and asks for death that Arya attends to his wounds and  realises that she has left him out of her death prayers. Ultimately, she won’t kill him:

 ‘Mycah.’ Arya stepped away from him. ‘You don’t deserve the gift of mercy.’

She is absolutely right about Mycah and the horrifying acts that the hound has committed, but I think a lot of her complex feelings are also hidden in her decision to leave him. She doesn’t want to kill him. She is outgrowing childhood and has had to commit acts that haunt her to survive. Arya has grown to have more sympathy or understanding regarding the harrowing nature of war can empathise with darker figures. We see this in a Feast for Crows when Arya reflects on her death list, feeling a hint of doubt and remorse for the first time. She also considers the strength in mercy: ‘I should have given him the gift of mercy and put a knife into his heart.’

Also, there are a fair few easter eggs and links to Arya wanting to kill the mountain, but I don’t know how much of a place she’ll have in this, other than being involved in the kind of Cersei downfall a bit. I think ultimately, the hound has the better claim and maybe Arya will realise that.  

Gendry:

I think GRRM loves Arya and wants us to know she’ll be some version of okay. Before she leaves him, we see her and Gendry play flight, directly after which we hear the a song about the marriage of a lord and lady love. Arya will never marry or become a lady, but I think GRRM is letting us know that this is not the final goodbye, and we’ll get to see some subverted version of this highborn relationship:

‘And how she smiled and how she laughed, then maiden of the tree. She spun away and said to him, no featherbed for me. I’ll wear a gown of golden leaves, and bind my hair with grass, But you can be my forest love, and me your forest lass.’

I do think though, one of the reasons GRRM is stressing with the next books is that he planned a time jump and now highly regrets how young he made the Stark children in GOT. I don’t know how he’s going to navigate his way around this now. Also, I can’t remember what happens to Gendry in the very end of the show, but in the books I think he might have more of an active role to play in Arya’s life and adventures, more of a partner. We see her allude to wanting this in her inner thoughts:

‘She could ride with Gendry and be an outlaw, like Wenda the white fawn in the songs. But that was just stupid, like something Sansa might dream… They were never my pack, not even Hot Pie and Gendry. I was stupid to think so, just a stupid little girl, and no wolf at all.’

It really hurts Arya when Gendry and hot pie leave, as she internalises it as another blow to her own self-esteem. It hurts to read such a likeable character feel so, but it also  nicely parallels Sansa’s disillusion. Arya begins to think of Sansa more frequently and fondly, and  they are becoming more similar with experience. I think they will meet again, and whilst they are unlikely to be close due to everything that they’ve experienced, they will now have a deep bond based on respect and understanding.

A Feast For Crows & A Dance With Dragons

‘Winterfell, she might have said. I smell snow and smoke and pine needles. I smell the stables. I smell Hodor laughing, and Jon and Robb battling in the yard, and Sansa singing about some stupid lady fair. I smell the crypts where the stone kings sit. I smell hot bread baking. I smell the Godswood. I smell my wolf. I smell her fur, almost as if she were still beside me. ‘I don’t smell anything,” she said.”

We only get little snippets of Arya in these books, and they are letting us know that she’s still Arya. She keeps needle buried and rename herself Cat. She recalls Winterfell and her family frequently. Crucially, Arya is now warging into Nymeria every time she sleeps. She is, however, also gaining power and learning crucial skills. It is difficult to tell if the faceless are gaining trust, but when we leave her she has been given a new face and is now learning to become an assassin. Arya feels like she lacks choices and identity- ‘He had it all backwards, Arya, the lone wolf, still lived, but the wolves of the pack had been taken, and slain and skinned.’- but her sense of self is one of the strongest in the books, particularly for being so young. She will not lose it and we will see a version of her back in Westeros soon.

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Cersei & Jaime Lannister part 2 (A Feast for Crowns & A Dance With Dragons)

Cersei

Tywin & misogyny

‘He has been a great man. I shall be greater, though. A thousand years from now, when the maesters write about this time, you shall be remembered only as Queen Cersei’s sire.’

We meet Cersei after the death of Tywin, which has catapulted her into a key point of perceived freedom, which rather than bringing peace, really works to bring forward her PTSD and narcissistic delusion of power and grandeur. Cersei does not love or grieve her father, who has controlled and manipulated her for his own gain. She does, however- as do her brothers- compare herself to his legacy, and value pleasing him or living up to his memory:

‘No, that cannot be. That is not the way a lion dies. The Queen felt strangely calm. Now there is a hole in the world where father stood, and holes need filling.’

‘There will be no more talk of forcing me to wed again. Casterly rock was hers now, and all the power of House Lannister. No one would ever disregard her again.’

Cersei experiences a great deal of internalised misogyny, based on her upbringing as a pawn for Tywin whilst watching him revere Jaime (at least, treat him with as much respect as Tywin was capable of). This has led to her frequently rejecting femininity, viewing strength and success as masculine: ‘Cersei did not weep, no more than her father would have. I am the only true son he ever had.’

Cersei has experienced admiration and praise for the traditional value of this time- being beautiful:

‘Men had been looking at her that way since her breasts began to bud. Because I was so beautiful, they said, but Jaime was beautiful as well, and they never looked at him that way. She was startled by how differently men treated her when they thought she was Jaime. Even Lord Tywin himself.’

She has been taught to be beautiful, to be graceful, to be a lady, and yet has been used as a pawn for these qualities. She has been a ghost in relation to her interactions with men and has internalised this as being her problem for being female, rather than the fault of a misogynist world. Cersei will often distance herself from gender, referring to herself as the ‘real man’ in her family, and often belittling women or being sexist. Cersei’s attitudes and actions parallel Tywin’s, as she starts to think and the feel similarly to he who has hurt and shaped her. It’s difficult to get into Cersei’s psyche a lot of the time, but I believe this is her main reason for choosing to be with Jaime. He saw more of her than anyone else and truly loved her, helping Cersei to feel better about herself. Their relationship also allowed Cersei to defy her fate and lack of a choice as a woman; she chose who would have her children and who to love.  

Her siblings.

How Cersei and Jaime dealt with Tywin’s death really put distance between them and highlighted their differences. I believe that it signalled freedom- and guilt- for Jaime but brought up some of Cersei’s unconscious guilt for being in an incestual relationship. This is paired with Cersei’s extreme stress regarding the prophecy, and her fear that Tywin and Jaime can no longer protect her from Tyrion. Jaime’s chapters frequently reference Cersei- he is obsessed- but her obsession is Tyrion and the fate she believes will unfold:

‘He is in the walls. He killed father as he killed mother, as he killed Joff.’

I want to come back to this belief that Tyrion ‘killed’ his mother and the impact of this on his psyche when I get to his chapters. For now, I’ll focus on Jaime, and Cersei’s belief that she is the smart one, the thinker, whilst he is more impulsive. We see stark examples evidencing the opposite- Cersei had an affair with her cousin, she shouts at and acts out her council, makes rash decisions. This is heightened by her drinking and paranoia: ‘Their father had been as relentless and implacable as a glacier, where Cersei was all wildfire, especially when thwarted.’ (Jaime).

Cersei also frequently underestimates her rivals, despite her mistrust of everyone. She will disregard or refuse to hear council regarding the North or Daenerys. Instead, she believes or convinces herself that she has won- she, not Tommen- and is loved and admired as Queen. This makes the blows to self-esteem more crushing when she experiences misogyny or is reminded of the value Tywin placed on her, one instance being Kevan asking her to remove herself from court:

‘I am the regent’, she reminded him. ‘You were, Tywin did not intend that you continue that role.’ ‘You are not your father. And Tywin always regarded Jaime as his rightful heir.’

Relationship with Robert and Cersei’s ruling

‘Cersei did not mean to give it up until Tommen came of age. I waited, so can he. I waited half my life. She had played the dutiful daughter, the blushing bride, the pliant wife. She had suffered Robert’s drunken groping, Jaime’s jealousy, Renly’s mockery, Varys with his titters, Stannis endlessly grinding his teeth.’

Cersei is, as all good characters, extremely layered and morally grey. I absolutely do not dispute that she has layers of evil, and I find her extremely unlikable. Her chapters make difficult reading as we are really engulfed in the mind of a narcissist (in my opinion), and the constant paranoia, isolation, pride and grandiosity that it brings.

Cersei has experienced the loss of her mother, a bullying father, the prophecy, and loss of her child, so I feel that it’s interesting that Cersei as a character is so hated amongst readers whilst Jaime is often a favourite. It’s completely understandable that he is more likeable due to his redemption arc, however, I feel that GRRM wrote in a way to make us less sympathetic towards Cersei despite her having similar experiences to Jaime with her own trauma added on. I feel that this was written as a commentary on feminism, and the ways that readers can be more accepting of a man’s actions. It also reflects how Cersei has always been treated as lesser than Jaime as a result of her gender, which has undoubtedly contributed to her actions and beliefs.

Cersei also dealt with the forced marriage to Robert in which she was humiliated, ignored, and assaulted. He was an abusive alcoholic, hurting her at night then denying it or gaslighting Cersei during the day. Her marriage to Robert signified the end of her dreams and idealism. Please see below prophecy paragraph for Sansa parallels!

‘The wrong man came back from the trident. She would close her eyes and pretend her was Rhaegar.’

These experiences have shaped Cersei into someone who cannot trust, and who has never felt safe. As she has with Tywin, Cersei is beginning to mirror Robert and some of his characteristics that she herself hated. She is becoming reliant on alcohol, which leads to her impulsive actions- PTSD, fear and alcoholism are a great combination. We also start to see Cersei noticing little signs of ageing and effects of drinking. These contribute to her fear of the prophecy coming, and her desperation to cling on to her beauty, or as she has been taught, her ‘value’. Btw, I know about the pregnancy theories, but I don’t believe them, the prophecy states 3 children. If she is pregnant, I think there will be a miscarriage that won’t be overly relevant to current plots, but will maybe contribute to Jaime’s jealousy and her demise?

‘There is no one I can rely upon, not even Jaime, she realised grimly. I will need to sweep them all away and surround the king with mine own people.’

As a ruler, Cersei is paranoid and begins to isolate herself. Her and Jaime’s dynamic becomes increasingly toxic, and he no longer enables her. In classic narcissistic form, it scares Cersei that she can no longer rely on Jaime to serve her narrative, and so she convinces herself that she will be happy when she starts again with people who will:

‘I was wondering. Are you drunk or merely stupid?’ (Jaime). ‘She would not suffer it, especially from Jaime. I need to rid myself of him, and soon’.

Cersei is unravelling, becoming more delusional. I genuinely feel sorry for her, because I believe her thoughts and actions and down to her upbringing and personality disorder combined with a lack of love and support. Get some CBT pls. She is in over her head, and without Jaime as her comfort she is heading down the reckless path to narcissistic collapse. Her interactions with Qyburn show us how far she has gone, sacrificing women to his dungeons and finding others to blame to justify her actions and rid her guilt, a ‘woman’s guilt’:

‘Cersei felt ill. Part of her wanted to close her eyes, to turn away, to make it stop. But she was the Queen and this was treason. Lord Tywin would not have turned away.’ The blame of course falls to Margaery as it tends to with Cersei: ‘Her scheming forced this on me. She has soiled me with her treachery.’

The pinnacle of her reckless decisions leading in part to her downfall is in reinstating the power of the faith:

‘Cersei could not help but smile. Even her lord father could have done no better. At a stroke, she had rid King’s landing of the plague of the sparrows, secured Tommen’s blessing and lessened the crown’s debt by close to a million dragons.’

Her children

‘My son is safe, Cersei told herself. Yet every time she looked at Tommen, she saw Joffrey clawing at hit throat… I cannot let them see me cry. A woman may weep, but not a Queen.’

Cersei genuinely loves her children, however, in her case, love does not save or redeem her, rather it contributes to her impulsive actions and ruin. She has experienced great PTSD following Joffrey’s murder and believes that her Tommen and Marcella will be killed. Cersei has begun to raise Tommen in the way in which she was likely taught by Tywin, shouting at him or having him hit for being ‘weak’ or crying. Her feelings towards Joffrey were complex, as we see her reflecting on his nature and almost admitting to herself her failings. She does, however, fiercely love him:

‘It is beautiful, she thought, as beautiful as Joffrey when they laid him in my arms. No man had ever felt as good as she had felt when he took her nipple in his mouth to nurse.’

The threatened loss of Cersei’s children is deeply poignant and sad, as Cersei believed that motherhood was her chance to be happy, to experience unconditional love and have something of her own, breaking the toxic dynamics of her own family. However, as is often the case with narcissistic personalities, she holds on to them in a way that is controlling, and in doing so drives them away. They were almost doomed from the start due to their parentage and Cersei’s toxic marriage to Robert. Her children were partly brought into the world out of spite. One example of Cersei’s control is her obsession with Margaery and keeping her from influencing Tommen. She spends majority of the book mercilessly plotting Margaery’s demise with the chosen huntsman of her story, Osney, asking him to have an affair with Margaery. One of the hardest parts of Cersei’s story to read is her when Osney coerces Cersei into sleeping with him:

‘All I do, I do for Tommen… Robert had hands like that, she thought.’

Cersei is at the peak of her isolation during this chapter and is desperate to be rid of Margaery. She feels that she has no choice but to agree to Osney’s will, using her beauty to her advantage as she has been taught to do all her life. We see Cersei’s desperation as she is once again abused, and really see her PTSD from the trauma she experienced with Robert. Cersei has genuinely convinced herself that this action, and every action related to Margaery is for Tommen’s own good. We see her resolution:

 ‘The younger Queen whose coming she’d foretold was finished. No golden shrouds, no valonqar, I am free of your croaking malice at last.’  

When Cersei is made to atone, it is Tommen who brings her the strength ‘Tommen is waiting for me. My little king. I can do this. I must.’ Cersei continues to justify her actions, and it is for Tommen that she does so:

‘Forgive me. High Holiness, but I would open my legs for every man in King’s Landing if that was what I had to do to keep my children safe.’

Prophecy & fairytales, Sansa parallels.

‘Queen you shall be. Until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.’ ‘Will the King and I have children?’ ‘Six-and-ten for him, and three for you. Gold shall be the crowns and gold their shrouds. And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.’

GRRM can’t always resist a fairytale trope, and Cersei is the evil queen of snow white if ever I’ve seen one. I also think there are mythology parallels e.g. Circe, Hera, but I already wrote about them in another post. In this version of the story, Tyrion is the dwarf Cersei wants to have killed, and Margaery plays the role of Snow White (at least Cersei believes she does).

‘The man who brought her the dwarf’s head would be raised to lordship, she had proclaimed, no matter how mean and low his birth or station.’

From the beginning of Cersei’s POV, she is obsessed with Margaery, and we see her thoughts and doubts slipping in even before we are given the prophecy. Cersei resents Margaery’s youth, beauty, closeness to her son, position as the Queen, charismatic personality and relationship with Loras: ‘they were more alike that she and Jaime. That annoyed her too.’ It absolutely does not help Cersei’s ego to hear comments such as this around court: ‘To both our Queens!’ he chirruped. ‘To the young queen and the old’.  

Cersei believes that Margaery is the foretold princess, and this leads her to underestimating others. She is obsessed with eradicating Margaery. I believe that the prophecy actually accounts for a number of youthful, beautiful ‘rivals’; Margaery, Daenerys, Brienne, Arya even. I do, however, believe that Sansa is the true rival. Sansa has had direct encounters with and influence on Cersei, Joffrey and Tyrion, and we see her future arc with Jaime and Brienne. Sansa shows us who Cersei could have been and wanted to be, and I truly believe they were written in this way because Sansa is going to be the one to fulfil the prophecy, having a significant part in the North’s uprising. At this moment, however, Cersei does not perceive the North to be a threat, and the rage she feels for Sansa is purely personal:

‘Your lady has forgotten the Lady Sansa’, said Pycelle. ‘I most certainly have not forgotten that little she-wolf.’ She refused to say the girl’s name. ‘I fed her, dressed her, tried to make her a little less ignorant about the world, and how did she repay my kindness?… ‘She is not dead… but before I am done with her, I promise you, she will be singing to the Stranger, begging for his kiss.’

We get to see through Cersei’s memories that she was once childlike, Sansa like, full of hope. She sincerely wanted to marry Rhaegar and become a traditional, loved Queen:

‘Had any man ever been so beautiful? He was more than a man though. His blood was the blood of old Valyria, the blood of dragons and gods. She had drawn a picture of herself flying behind Rhaegar on a dragon, her arms wrapped tight about her chest.’

 She lies to Jaime about this, hides this from him. This is more evidence that her love for Jaime is at least partly about self-esteem and safety and is transactional. She is not as loyal to him as he is her. Cersei is also obsessed with the Targaryen legacy. I do find some of the Lannister’s as secret Targ children theories interesting, but think I’ve gone too far reviewing the whole books to dive into that particularly wormhole. Instead, I think Cersei’s interests in the Targaryen’s it just used to show their influence on her upbringing, particularly her god complex. When thinking about Rhaegar, we read passages of Cersei’s POV that could have easily been Sansa’s:

‘Cersei had almost been drowned in the depths of his sad, purple eyes. I will mend his hurt when we are wed. The prince is going to be my husband, she had thought giddy with excitement, and when the old king dies I’ll be the Queen.’

She is given the advice ‘You must be especially beautiful’. Cersei literally had the ‘I can fix him’ complex. She did all that was asked of her and was beautiful, and yet their betrothal wasn’t to be. She became disillusioned and was instead forced into marrying Robert: ‘She had never forgiven Robert for killing him.’ Cersei blamed Lyanna for this, and I think this links us again to the North and the prophecy, foreshadowing Sansa’s part in it- and possibly Arya’s!

I do think the valonqar will be subverted, and I love all the theories. I’m either in favour for the Jaime or Arya one. There are so many amazing posts about the theories already out there, so I’ll just leave it with one example of the foreshadowing that Cersei and Jaime are both going to die, likely together:

‘We will leave this world together, as we once came into it.’

I think wildfire links to Cersei’s death, at least in being the cause for Cersei losing her children and Jaime fully breaking away. Cersei often references wildfire, with frequent foreshadowing of her burning the Great Sept (should it happen). In all instances, Jaime is shown to see a different side of Cersei or find her more difficult to ‘tame’: ‘Wildfire is treacherous.’ When she burns the tower of the hand, we see true mania in Cersei: ‘All of them are burning now, she told herself, savouring the thought. They are dead and burning, every one, with all their plots and schemes and betrayals. It is my day now. It is my castle and my kingdom.’ This may be Cersei’s ideal, but it seems to me that she is going to be lonely in this kingdom, having successfully isolated everyone who has tried to help her.

Cersei’s atonement:

‘Words cannot hurt me. I am beautiful, the most beautiful woman in all Westeros, Jaime says so, Jaime would never lie to me. Even Robert, Robert never loved me, but he saw that I was beautiful, he wanted me.’

Cersei experiences what I believe to be narcissistic collapse when she is made to take part in the walk of ‘atonement’. Her misogynistic beliefs and equation of beauty with self-worth come into question. Cersei’s self-projected majesty, power and respect are stripped from her during this walk, and she begins to acknowledge that she is not liked or respected by the people she is meant to serve. Cersei tries to cling to the idea of her beauty to cope, however, it is heart-breaking to see her breakdown as she believes this final layer of worth has now been taken too:

‘She did not feel beautiful though. She felt old, used, filthy, ugly. There were stretch marks on her belly from the children she had borne… I should not have done this. I was their queen, but now they’ve seen, they’ve seen, they’ve seen. I should never have let them see. Gowned and crowned she was a queen. Naked, bloody, limping, she was only a woman, not so very different from their wives, more like their mothers than their pretty maiden daughters.’

I also loved the inclusion of Cersei’s version of an epiphany. As her mask shifts and her truer, more vulnerable self is revealed, Cersei allows a little empathy for others and begins to consciously think about the impact of some of her actions. It’s such an enlightening moment and fulfilling as a reader having come along this journey with her:

‘It came to her that stood in this very spot before, on the day Lord Eddard Stark lost his head. That as not supposed to happen. Joff was supposed to spare his life… I would have made Sansa a good marriage. A Lannister marriage… If Joff had only done as he was told Winterfell would never have gone to war, and Father would have dealt with Robert’s brothers.’ And of Ned’s death: ‘and after that there was no turning back’.  ‘She saw Ned Stark, and beside him little Sansa with her auburn hair and a shaggy dog that might have been her wolf.’

If not fully an admission of guilt, Cersei at least puts herself in other’s shoes for a short time, and begins to sympathise, particularly for Sansa. This is the most in synch with Jaime’s development that she has been. Unfortunately, I think in Cersei’s case, such thoughts are circumstantial and lack permanence. We already see her brain plotting as she meets the mountain and we as readers reach the end of the books so far with the understanding that she will not let any epiphany get in the way of her self-destructive nature.

Jaime

‘No, that she could not believe, would not believe. Jaime would be here once he knew of her plight. Come at once, she had written. Help me. Save me. I need you now more as I have never needed you before. I love you. I love you. I love you. Come at once.’

I’m not going to go too much into Jaime here as part one focused on him, but I do want to reflect a wee bit on his journey and possible conclusion with Cersei. He asks Cersei to relieve him of his duty, and his time with Brienne has clearly influenced him to want to make something of himself and get a bit of distance from his family. He finds his thoughts often landing on Brienne in some of the spaces Cersei used to fill: ‘Unbidden, his thoughts went to Brienne of Tarth. Stupid, stubborn, ugly wench. He wondered where she was. Father, give her strength.’ He still has a long way to go, as his misogynistic Freudian slips show, but he is trying and is secretly proud of his efforts: ‘It felt good. This was justice. Make a habit of it, Lannister, and one day men might call you Goldenhand after all. Goldenhand the just.’ Jaime is making fun of himself here but is beginning to picture his new life and his place in the world. He’s lost most of his arrogance and front, and is making space for a simpler, more honest life: ‘If truth be told, he liked this life. He felt more comfortable amongst soldiers in the field than he ever had at court. And his men seemed comfortable with him as well’. I liked Jaime’s interactions with Pia. They were subtle and not deeply significant to the plot, but I do think Pia helps to give Jaime some perspective, and I enjoy the subversion of the white knight saving the maiden trope: ‘Jaime thought back on the head he’s given to Pia. He could almost hear his little brother chuckle. Whatever became of giving women flowers?’ Pia parallels Jaime in ways. She has experiences loss through this war- the loss of her beauty, lifestyle and reputation. She has, however, decided to carry on and make what she can of her life. Through Pia, Jaime gets to see normality (at least normality of this world) and interact with people who live without Lannister scale agenda. He is learning not to be so absolute, that he can carry on and carve his own path.

I mentioned in the previous post that Sansa is significant to his future and redemption, but he is also beginning to consider Tommen more and play around with the idea of himself as a father figure: ‘My place is with my king. With my son. Would Tommen want to know that?.. He would need to find some way to winkle Tommen from her clutches before the boy became another Joffrey.’ Tommen is, however, still tied to Cersei in Jaime’s mind and his complicated feelings regarding her: ‘Once it yielded, he would be free to return to King’s landing. To the king, he told himself, but another part of him whispered, to Cersei’. We get to read some interesting contrasts between the pair in this book, which I enjoyed, for example: ‘She wants something of me… For a moment he dared to hope that all she wanted was the comfort of his arms’ whilst Cersei in her cell reflects: ‘Cersei dreamed a long, sweet dream where Jaime was her husband, and their son was still alive.’ Jaime understands more of Cersei’s nature now and resents her for it, but when Cersei is stripped of her power and distractions, we see that she does genuinely love him. I also enjoyed the contrast between: ‘’He was a warrior, and that was all he would ever be.’ and ‘She hated feeling weak. Oh, for a sword and the skill to wield it. She had a warrior’s heart, but the gods in their blind malice had given her the feeble body of a woman.’

Jaime and Cersei both compare one another to the Stranger in this book, perhaps the most significant link to the valonqar theory and their role in it. ‘I thought that I was the Warrior and Cersei was the Maid, but all the time she was the Stranger, hiding her true face from my gaze.’ They are both in need of resolution and their lives are too deeply embedded to truly part, but we are yet to see how their story arcs will play out. They are definitely two incredibly interesting characters to read.

Jaime & Cersei Lannister, Brienne of Tarth A Song Of Ice and Fire analysis (Part 1- A Storm of Swords)

Jaime, pre loss of hand (misogynist)

‘Jaime’s blood was singing. This is what he was meant for; he never felt so alive as when he was fighting, with death balanced on every stroke.’

We are introduced to Jaime, the funny, charming charismatic twit. The misogynist, the epitome of toxic masculinity who has never felt the need for self-development because he is a Lannister, he is rich, beautiful, strong, brave; he feels immortal. From the outset, there is foreshadowing that Jaime is likely to die, however, in earlier chapters, he does not fear death because it genuinely hasn’t occurred to him as a possibility: ‘’The best we can hope for is to die with swords in our hands.’ He was perfectly sincere. Jaime Lannister had never been afraid of death.’ This shifts, however, after Jaime is captured and he gains some home truths: ‘He does not fear me, Jaime realised, with a chill’. ‘Jaime was not ready to die yet, and certainly not for the likes of Brienne of Tarth’. I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts, that GRRM Martin loves to break his characters down, shift their reality, and let them build themselves back with what’s left. Jaime is one of the most prominent examples of this, and it creates such a rewarding, rich, interesting reading experience. I cannot deny the power of a redemption arc.

‘Jaime had decided that he would return Sansa, and the younger girl as well if she could be found.’ It was not like to win him back his lost honour, but the notion of keeping faith when they all expected betrayal amused him more than he could say.’

Honour is a huge theme in Jaime’s arc- honestly, who isn’t honour obsessed in this world- and Jaime is fuelled by pure hatred for being misunderstood. He has such a guard up, that even his inner monologue is jokey and sarcastic, a lack of self-esteem juxtaposed with him literally being in love with himself. I say that, but it’s less so low self-esteem, and more anger that nobody else believes he’s as amazing as he deems himself to be. Jaime hides what he truly wants from everyone, including himself, and it’s because he thinks it’s lost to him- a chance for honour, respect, thanks or at least understanding.

Jaime, post loss of hand and family dynamics

‘The hand that made me Kingslayer. The goat had robbed him of his glory and his shame, both at once. Leaving what? Who am I now?’

This is a family in need of a therapy session. Honestly, a Freudian dream. We have a classic case of abusive, toxic father with ideals that the children can never live up to yet will die trying to despite hating the man. This combined with the loss of the mother who was the only one who could calm this man and provide a loving, nurturing upbringing. Some deep attachment issues and a co-dependent family system. Throw into that, some fantasy, fictional incest and a prophecy proclaiming one child to be murdered by the hands of a sibling, and we have a charming, loving dynamic.

Jaime clearly loves Tyrion and had a lot of admiration for him and the ways in which he uses his intelligence and resources. This is particularly important to Jaime post hand incident, as he is learning who he is and how to navigate the world without the only skills he believed himself to hold:

‘Tyrion could think of something clever now, but all that occurs to me is to go at them with a sword.’

Jaime has no independence from his family and all of his experiences *side eye* have been with his family or in service to them. His relationship with Tyrion- before the death of Joffrey- is probably the least toxic and complex one he has, despite the horror of the Tysha incident (I’ll wait for Tyrion’s POV for that). Her relationship with Tywin is another matter altogether. He is driven to almost despair trying to please him and live up to his needs, whilst simultaneously defying him. Tywin’s treatment of Tyrion is horrifying, and Jaime has to fill in the gaps as the ‘perfect son’. He is the lesser of two disappointments in Tywin’s eyes, until the loss of Jaime’s hand and the accompanying stress and identity crisis leads him to break any bridges they had:

‘And now you have a cripple for a son as well as a dwarf, my lord. How you will hate that.’

Jaime finally stands up to Tywin, refusing to marry, refusing to return to Casterly Rock. ‘You are not my son.’ Lord Tywin turned his face away.’  This last interaction before Tywin’s death is essential for Jaimes’ development, yet greatly impacts his self-worth: ‘I am a stranger in my own House. His son was dead, his father had disowned him, and his sister… she had not allowed him to be alone with her once’. Jaime internalises this dismissal and shows imposter syndrome in his role as lord commander:  ‘How could the Kingslayer belong in such exalted company?’ ‘They feared the man I was; the man I am, they’d pity’.

It’s the absolute bear minimum that should be expected, but Jaime has grown reflective, and finally considers past acts: ‘I’m not ashamed of loving you, only of the things I’ve done to hide it. That boy at Wintefell…’ This is the first time that he has really taken responsibility for his own actions, rather than dismissing them as necessary for Cersei. I also greatly enjoyed Margaery and Loras giving Jaime and Cersei a simultaneous identity crisis, a mirror image of what they used to be, and a reminder of their aging and losses. We are yet to gain Cersei’s POV, but the Tyrells serve to show is Jaime’s self-awareness: ‘This is too absurd. Tyrion would mock me unmercifully if he could hear me now, comparing c***s with this green boy’. ‘He’s me, Jaime realised suddenly. I am speaking to myself as I was, all cocksure arrogance and empty chivalry. This is what it does to you, to be too good too young’. Self-awareness and Cersei’s lack of is what separates the pair, accounting for Jaime’s character development and Cersei’s downfall.   

Jaime’s relationship with Cersei

He tries to deny it, or avoid thinking about it, but it is clear from the offset that Jaime doubts that Cersei loves him as much as he does her. Jaime sees them as almost a traditional married couple and is very loyal to Cersei (for the sake of this paragraph, I basically have to ignore the incest. It’s too creepy and gets in the way of what I’m trying to say, as I am writing from his POV after all. Please just know that they give me the creeps):

‘Cersei was the only women he had ever wanted.’ ‘He could never long bear to be apart from this twin.’

Rather horrifyingly, Jaime doesn’t stray from referring to Cersei as his sibling when he is talking about her as a lover. The fact that they are twins are so similar to one another is almost ingrained in their sexual relationship and appears to be what they like about each other. It’s fair to say being brought up around Targaryen’s, in a family as dysfunctional as the Lannister’s has given Jaime some curious (dodgy) values. He has no shame surrounding their incest and no concern or fear regarding the prospect of others finding out: ‘Why shouldn’t I marry Cersei openly and share her bed every night? The dragons always married their sisters.’

Cersei is absolutely everything to Jaime, and he is consistently thinking about her during captivity and his journey to Kings landing. This fact is the first downfall of their relationship- he is devoted to Cersei to an insane level, whilst she loves her children above all else. In fact, he sees the children- his children- only as a burden, a barrier to Cersei (Freud would love this man). When Jaime hears of Joffrey’s death, he is objective in that Joffrey was a bad person. He considered Joffrey to be Robert’s concern and responsibility, reflecting that Cersei kept them separate. He has no grief for the loss of Joffrey (who does, honestly):

‘Men were supposed to go mad with grief when their children died, he knew. So why was it that he felt so little?’ ‘Perhaps he was the monster they claimed. If the Father above came down to offer him back his son or hand, Jaime knew which he would choose’.

Joffrey’s murder, and Jaime’s hand are the catalyst for an irreparable rift between Jaime and Cersei. Jaime knows that Cersei’s love is transactional and manipulative, and it makes him deeply sad. He does, however, accept it and allow himself to be manipulated. When he returns to Kingslanding and observes her reaction, he can’t deny it: ‘She has never come to me, he thought. She has always waited, letting me come to her. She gives, but I must ask’. Cersei immediately wants something from Jaime, and it is something that even he will not give- to kill Tyrion. He refuses her for the first time: ‘He is still my brother’. I’ll save my valonqar theories for part two (basically because I haven’t read Cersei’s POV and have forgotten most of it haha), but this refusal marks Jaime as finished for Cersei. She realised she can’t manipulate him as well as she has, and she realises that he can’t or won’t save her from her Tyrion. instead, she goads him: ‘Oh, an angry cripple, how terrifying.’ She laughed. ‘A pity Lord Tywin Lannister never had a son. I could have been the heir he wanted, but I lacked the c**k.’

In turn, Jaime realises that he has never had Cersei as unconditionally as he hoped. He proposes to her ‘I’m sick of being careful. The Targaryen’s wed brother to sister, why shouldn’t we do the same? Marry me, Cersei. We’ll have our own wedding feast, and make another son in place of Joffrey’, and her response shows him what’s he’s feared- while she is his world, he is second or third in hers to her children and her desire to rule.  She won’t sacrifice for him or their relationship. ‘Cersei recoiled from his stump. ‘You’re scaring me, Jaime. Don’t be stupid. One wrong word and you’ll cost us everything. What did they do to you?’ ‘No, it’s more, you’re changed’.

This shatters Jaime yet he has done what he feared and stood up to her. He has lost her but gained independence, a freedom from his family and the beginnings of a future. He begins to consider the impact that she has had on him and his image, and acknowledges her impulsive nature:

‘The goat’s evened the trade, though I doubt Lady Catelyn will thank him when Cersei returns her whelps in like condition. The thought made him grimace. I will get the blame for that as well, I’ll wager.’

Jaime is now left with fewer ties, and is struggling with his identity, but it beginning to gain a purpose and moral compass, changes in which I believe Brienne has played a significant role.

Jaime’s relationship with Brienne

‘Guards’, he heard the wench shout, ‘The Kingslayer!’. ‘Jaime, he thought. My name is Jaime’.

A name is very significant thing in ASOIAF and is used as a device to show us what Jaime and Brienne are to each other. Brienne begins her story with Jaime where we do, lovely toxic, immortal Jaime. Their first interaction signifies the lack of respect from each party:  ‘You will call me Brienne, not wench.’ ‘My name is Ser Jaime, not Kingslayer.’

Brienne is so incredibly necessary for Jaime’s ego. She is not his family and will not pander to him. She has no respect for him, apart from a secret begrudging regard for his talents as a warrior. She is another subversion in ASOIAF to the white knight trope and has such honour that even Jaime cannot maintain his façade, as he starts to break down his own horrendous misogynistic thinking (slowly). His act to protect her by lying about his sapphire fortune is one that should come naturally, but is for Jaime, one of the first selfless acts, or at least one of the only acts that he makes for another with no personal gain:

‘That’s a pig-stubborn b***h, he thought. But brave, yes. He could not take that from her.’

He is truly horrendous at first, and cannot resist goading and bullying, cannot get passed his own misconceptions of gender. He does, however, concede over time.

‘No wonder Renly died, with you guarding him.’ ‘That was unworthy’, he murmured. I’m a maimed man, and bitter. Forgive me, wench. You protected me as well as any man could have, and better than most.’

 I want to mention here, that when I first read these books aged 16/17, this ‘ship’ got me, I cannot deny. It’s unfair that the most loathsome of characters attract such love from readers just for a redemption arc, but, so long as it’s a FICTIONAL trope, it gets me. I do love a charismatic, trauma troubled villain with a redemption arc *cough* Jaime and the hound *cough*. As long as it’s fiction, I think we need a lil bit of fun in our reading, and the dynamic that an opposite pairing begrudgingly coming to respect one another gives us it. I think Jaime genuinely believes that everyone is like his family, and has not met someone as decent, kind-hearted and gentle as Brienne. His inner thoughts often indicate his shock at how innocent and honourable Brienne really is. This affects him to the extent that he returns white knight style to save her from the bear.

 ‘Have we come to late? His stomach did a lurch’. ‘You want her? Go get her.’ So he did’.

Again, Jaime is not a hero. This is the bear (sorry) MINIMUM that a person should do for another person in a situation like this. I do, however, LOVE this scene, especially the way GRRM plays up and subverts tropes and stories, particularly that of a ‘true knight’ and a prince charming. Beauty and the beast is his most frequent parallel, with Snow White thrown in there for Cersei.

‘Her name is Brienne’, Jaime said. ‘Brienne , the made of Tarth. You are still maiden, I hope?’ Her broad homely face turned red. ‘Yes’. ‘Oh, good’, Jaime said. ‘I only rescue maidens’  ‘Ser Jaime…I am grateful, but you were well away. Why come back?’ A dozen quips came to mind, each crueller than the one before, but Jaime only shrugged. ‘I dreamed of you’, he said.’

Sansa’s journey with the hound and other knight figures also plays into the subversion of this trope, as she is currently breaking down her own ideals and the stereotype of a ‘gentle lady’. Cersei has altered Sansa’s perception of a queen, and Jaime a beautiful, strong warrior who just happens to be involved in some incest and have thrown her brother out a window. It will be so interesting to hopefully see a Jaime/Brienne/Sansa dynamic in some capacity, particularly as the Starks are often part of Jaime’s thoughts. Jaime has never forgiven Ned for his judgment, for looking down on him and being a better, more honourable person than he is. For Sansa to play a part in Jaime’s own redemption and quest for honour would be beautiful storytelling.

Can’t lie, I didn’t take took much of Jaime’s dreams in and can’t be bothered to now- there will be sooo many amazing analyses of them online already- but what I did take, is that Jaime’s subconscious is telling him that Cersei can’t help him become who he wants to, and Brienne is the one who can. She represents future and light (in whatever capacity). From this point, Jaime begins to unwittingly compare Cersei to Brienne. Their bond becomes deeper, and it is to Brienne that Jaime finally confesses the weight of his trauma, anger and resentment regarding killing Aerys (albeit triggered by extreme pain, fever and rage):

‘Why is it that no one names Robert oath breaker? He tore the realm apart, yet I am the one with s**t for honour.’ (Jaime) ‘Robert did all he did for love.’ (Brienne).

 ‘The man who has cooked Lord Rickard Stark in his own armour. And all the time, I stood by the foot of the iron throne in my white plate, still as a corpse, guarding my liege and all his sweet secrets.’ ‘Bring me your father’s head, if you are no traitor’.

From this point, whether they meant it or not, whether they’re conscious of it, Jaime and Brienne have become important to each other, and their relationship has shifted to one of respect, even if they still judge one other before listening. Jaime is very hurt in later instances where Brienne jumps to conclusions and misunderstands him, as is she. When they reach Kingslanding, for example, Jaime has Brienne arrested to save her for potential death at the hands of Loras Tyrell.

 ‘Brienne’s big eyes were full of hurt as Balon Swann and a dozen gold cloaks sent her away. You ought to be blowing me kisses, wench. Why must they misunderstand every bloody thing he did? Aerys. It all grows from Aerys.’

He continues to think of Brienne after he is free and around Cersei, wanting to confide in her and hear her opinions. He has accidently come to depend on her to be around. He manages to use his knowledge and understanding of Loras’ character to convince him to free Brienne- a move more characteristic of Tyrion, and one that marks the shift in Jaime. Following his dismissal from Tywin and Cersei, Jaime feels free to act and gives Brienne her quest. They are awkward and both uncomfortable in friendships, but they are trying:

‘Blue is a good colour on you, my lady’, Jaime observed. ‘It goes well with your eyes.’ She does have astonishing eyes’.

Brienne glanced down at herself, flustered (she’s in looooove. Or infatuation.) ‘The white cloak…’ ‘is new, but I’m sure I’ll soil it soon enough.’ ‘That wasn’t…I was about to say that it becomes you.’

We finally have names. And Jaime focusing on Brienne’s eyes, which has become a metaphor of his shift from misogyny to respect. After all, GRRM can be cheesy, and would definitely subscribe to the eyes as the window to the soul. We also have an incredible shift from Jaime. He betrays Tywin and his house spectacularly by telling Brienne that Ramsey is marrying fake Arya. He is committed to his desire to aid the Starks- for his own honour and in defiance of his father. They characteristically misunderstand one another and bicker, but leave one another in an exciting alliance:

‘Both of us swore oaths concerning Sansa Stark. Cersei means to see that the girl is found and killed, wherever she has gone to ground…’ (Jaime)

‘If you ever believe that I would harm my lady’s daughter for a sword, you-‘ (Brienne)

‘Just listen’ he snapped, angered by her assumption. ‘I want you to find Sansa first and get her somewhere safe’. He gives Brienne what remains of ice, in the form of Oathkeeper. ‘So, you’ll be defending Ned Stark’s daughter with Ned Stark’s own steel, if that makes any difference to you’.

Jaime has managed to achieve Brienne’s respect, something greatly important to him (not that he’d necessarily admit it) and has managed to do something he wanted to do, independent of the wants, needs or expectations of his family. He is growing…

A Song of Ice and Fire analysis- Catelyn Stark and Robb Stark

Catelyn Stark

Instincts and foreshadowing

’Catelyn had never liked this Godswood.’ ’For her sake, Ned had built a small sept where she might sing to the seven faces of God, but the blood of the first men still flowed in the veins of the Starks, and his Gods were the old ones.’

From the outset, we are shown that Catelyn has a strong sense of her identity tying to her Tully roots and  phrase- family, duty, honour. She has never assimilated to the North or completely understood it, yet she and Ned have such a clear respect, love and peace for each other. She is very religious and superstitious, however, and it’s interesting that the first encounter we get of the Godswood is from her perspective. She fears and believes the omens that Ned has shut down:

‘There are darker things beyond this wall’. ‘His smile was gentle. ‘You listen to too many of Old Nan’s stories. The others are as dead as the children of the forest, gone eight thousand years. No living man has ever seen one.’ (Ned). ‘Until this morning, no living man had ever seen a direwolf either.’

Catelyn has keen instincts which, combined with her faith, allow her to take caution from omens and foreshadowing. Yet, she often dismisses her own gut, presumably due to her place as a woman. It is after all, Catelyn who has taught Sansa her ideals- to be a lady is to be dutiful, gentle, well spoken, and maintain her ‘place’ as female, never overstepping the powerful men that surround her.

‘Dread coiled within her like a snake, but she forced herself to smile at this man she loved, this man who put no faith in signs.’

The dismissal of Catelyn’s instincts has had a disastrously detrimental impact on her life and family, particularly when Cat does share her suspicions, only to be rebuked by characters she is surrounded by. Two key examples of this are her lack of trust in Theon Greyjoy from the beginning, and her caution around Walder Frey, whom so many others underestimate and disregard:

 ‘If truth be told, I doubt even Lord Frey knows what Lord Frey intends to do. He has an old man’s caution and a young man’s ambition and has never lacked for cunning’.

Despite, however, her insight and caution, we do frequently see Arya’s feistier qualities in Catelyn, and she can display a rashness at times, for example, her decision to arrest Tyrion. Her more impulsive nature wins out in instances where she is thinking only of her children. To her credit, Catelyn always has fair motives, and does always come to realise that she has acted rashly. She is incredibly hard on herself at these times:

‘It was your doing, yours, a voice whispered inside her. If you had not taken it upon yourself to seize the dwarf…’

She is slower to dismiss Tyrion that other characters, and since travelling alongside him, has  begun to understand some of the nuances of his character and the extent of his cunning: ‘Once, she would have named Tyrion the least dangerous of the Lannister’s. Now she was not so certain’. She begins to begrudgingly believe in Tyrion’s word and believes that he is her best chance to get Sansa back: ‘Not Cersei, Tyrion. He swore it, in open court. And the Kingslayer swore it as well.’ ‘She had made Jaime swear a hundred oaths, but it was his brother’s promise she had her hopes pinned on’. Cat’s decision to free Jaime for her daughters is one that is completely understandable, yet very rash. It plays into Cat’s role as a mother, but influences Robbs later doubts and hits in warfare and their consequential downfall.

Catelyn takes time to really perceive the Lannister’s and I think she has a better understanding of them than many. I enjoyed the parallels between Cat’s motherhood and Cersei’s, as she considers Cersei’s own motives. They are both primarily mothers, and this is something that is often underestimated by the men in this world. It by no means lessens the hatred that Cat feels towards Cersei but allows Cat an understanding of Cersei. She knows how Cersei works and understands her Achilles heel:

‘Cersei is a mother too. No matter who fathered those children, she felt them kick inside her… The crack was still there; even Cersei could weep for her children.’ When thinking of what happened to Ned and Jon after Cersei fears the mortality of her children: ‘Small wonder the queen had killed them both. Would I do any less for my own?’

‘For men the answer was always the same, and never farther away than the nearest sword. For a woman, a mother, the way was stonier and harder to know’.

I also enjoyed Cat’s interactions with Stannis and Renly, as they allow us to see her feistier nature, and let GRRM be playful. Cat essentially breaks down the Baratheon’s war fuelled feud into what it is- pride. She stands before Stannis, who we have been taught to fear, and acts as a mother reprimanding her prideful children: ‘You each name yourself King, yet the Kingdom bleeds, and no one lifts a sword to defend it but my son.’

War symbolism & Greek myth parallels

‘It must not come to war, Catelyn thought fervently. They must not let it.’

‘War will make them old, as it did us. I pity them’.

Catelyn is almost a personification of the consequences of war and a symbol of true war; not the glorification of the stories and songs and songs that create excitement amongst young men, but the reality of the death and destruction it leaves mothers, families, houses. At the beginning of the books, for many younger characters there is an excitement brewing around the upcoming battles, the chance for glory, ‘honour’, fame. Catelyn is someone who has seen war before and truly grasps it’s consequences:

‘So young, Catelyn thought, trying to remember if she had ever been like that. The girl had lived half her life in summer and that was all she knew. Winter is coming, child, she wanted to tell her’.

Interestingly, after Ned leaves her in charge of Winterfell and she becomes enveloped in Robbs war storyline, Catelyn does associate far more frequently with the North and its way, something she herself is often surprised by.

‘She was no stranger to waiting, after all. Her men had always made her wait.’  

If you have read any of my blog posts so far, you will know I love a wee Greek mythology parallel, and Catelyn acts as the Penelope of this story. She symbolises the fear, dread and sense of duty created by those who are left behind during war, and her story during Robert’s rebellion parallels the Penelope to Ned’s Odysseus (Odysseus less in character, more in story structure). Like Penelope, Cat puts duty and family first in all things, and it is duty that often balances her and gets her through, or at least allows her to mask, her grief throughout her arc. After saving Bran:

‘Catelyn remembered the way she had been before, and she was ashamed. She had let them all down, her children, her husband, her House. It would not happen again. She would show these Northerners how strong a Tully of Riverrun could be’.

She represses her own needs throughout, leading up to the Stoneheart, and is plagued by grief and doubt in herself as a mother, often torturing herself:

‘Weary of duty. I want to weep, she thought. I want to be comforted. I’m so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once. Just for a small while, that’s all…a day… an hour…’

‘I have come so many thousands of leagues, and for what? Who have I served? I have lost my daughters, Robb does not want me, and Bran and Rickon must surely think me a cold and unnatural mother. I was not even with Ned when he died.’

Cat holds a respected place in the North due to her keen sense of duty and marriage to Ned. It is her grief and humility that balance the Northmen’s desire for vengeance, the bloodthirsty game of war that they are heading towards. She reminds them of the peace that they once held and the future that they desire, the danger of war and all its horrors, and its purpose . It is directly after Cat’s plea that Robb is crowned King of the North with the aim of freedom and political peace:

“I will mourn for Ned until the end of my days, but I must think of the living. I want my daughters back, and the queen holds them still. If I must trade our four Lannisters for their two Starks, I will call that a bargain and thank the gods.”

Catelyn’s weariness for war and experiences during Robert’s rebellion result in her frequent dismissal of vows for vengeance. She understands that this cannot bring the closure men wish for and knows that her only hope is to grasp on to her humanity, and the family she has left.

‘Your grief is mine, Cat. The Lannister’s will pay, I swear it, you will have your vengeance’ (Edmure) ‘Will that bring Ned back to me?’ she said sharply.’

This is the antithesis of who she becomes as Lady Stoneheart. She is driven by vengeance, lacks mercy and has lost her humanity. I love that GRRM will often take a character’s core belief, drive or personality and dismantle or shift it- Ned and Jon’s honour, Jaime’s warrior, Sansa’s gentle lady. I have to say, I wasn’t thrilled with the introduction of Stoneheart. I hate any zombie like tropes and feel like the books don’t need her. I do, however, think she might have an interesting arc, maybe Arya related since she’s on her own path of death and vengeance with no clear end in sight.

Jon:

The less likeable side of Cat’s personality is her hatred of Jon and the unfair decision to blame him rather than Ned for his birth. She tries to forget, for the sake of her duty, but withholds her resentment, and it has consequently festered within her, haunting her when she doubts herself. ‘Whoever Jon’s mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely… Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborns she bore him. Somehow that made it worse.’ Interestingly, in a conversation of inheritance, Robb shares plans to legitimise Jon as heir. Catelyn is blinded by hatred and her usual even temperament and instincts are gone, replaced by a deeply unlikeable version, a twisted manipulator:

‘If you make Jon legitimate, there is no way to turn him bastard again. Should he wed and breed, any sons you may have by Jeyne will never be safe.’ ‘Jon would never harm a son of mine’. ‘No more than Theon Greyjoy would harm Bran or Rickon?’ ‘Grey Wind leapt up atop King Tristifer’s crypt, his teeth bared. Robb’s own face was cold. ‘That is as cruel as it is unfair. Jon is no Theon’.

‘Should I die without issue, I want him to succeed me as King of the North. I had hoped you would support my choice.’ ‘I cannot’, she said. ‘In all else, Robb. In everything. But not in this…this folly. Do not ask it.’ ‘I don’t have to. I’m the king’.

It is sad that Catelyn will likely never learn the truth, unless GRRM has plans for Lady Stoneheart to play a part in the revelation of Jon’s true parentage. GRRM is sure to tell us that Robb has written his wishes as a royal decree, in the presence of Cat, and the letter legitimising Jon and naming him heir is surely waiting to come up in a future plot point.

Robb Stark and motherhood

‘My son is leading a host to war, she thought, still only half believing it. She was desperately afraid for him, and for Winterfell, yet she could not deny feeling a certain pride as well. A year ago he had been a boy. What was he now? she wondered.’

Robbs character arc has excellent development, resulting in his relationship with Catelyn changing. We only ever see Robb through Cat’s eyes, through the lens of a mother who is weary of war. We see Cat strain to allow Robb the space to grow from her child son into a King.

‘Mother?’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. Catelyn wanted to run to him, to kiss his sweet brow, to wrap him in her arms and hold him so tightly he would never come to harm… but here in front of his lords, she dared not. He was playing a man’s part now, and she would not take that away from him.’

Catelyn rarely gives herself credit as a mother or leader, frequently comparing Robb to Ned whenever he leads well, and dismissing the council that she gives. I believe Catelyn’s role in the success Robb had as a leader was very significant, and she acted in place of hand. She changes her role from mother to lady when required, and Robb takes her council:

‘The day will come when you need them to respect you, even fear you a little… Laughter is a poison to fear. I will not do that to you, much as I might wish to keep you safe.’ ‘Robb, I will not soften the truth for you. If you lose, there is no hope for any of us. Remember the fate of Rhaegar’s children.’ She saw the fear in his young eyes then, but there was a strength as well. ‘Then I will not lose’, he vowed’.

Catelyn provided Robb strength as a mother, council as a leader, hard truths as a King and the love and courage to persevere. She gives herself over to Robb, focusing on him to give her spirit and purpose whenever her thoughts stray to her other children: ‘And yet there was nothing she could do for any of them, and so she made herself put all thought of them aside. You must save your strength for Robb, she told herself. He is the only one you can help. You must be as fierce and hard as the North, Catelyn Tully. You must be a Stark for true now, like your son’.

She is, however, confined to gender roles and experiences the misogyny that all the female characters are privy to. This permeates into Cat’s own self-esteem and lack of confidence in her ability to influence Robb, often withholding her council or instincts. She is, however, respected and very aware of her place as a Lady. I would argue that Cat is far more politically minded that she believes, with the ability to think tactically. She can make men listen and can use her gentle, highborn nature to her advantage, in a way that we are seeing paralleled in Sansa.

‘Give me Cersei Lannister, Lord Karstark, and you will see how gentle a woman can be,’ Catelyn replied. ‘Perhaps I do not understand tactics and strategy…but I understand futility’.

I’m taking a wee space now to share instances where Robb himself gives us some lovely characteristics reminiscent of Neds. ‘That makes him evil’, Robb replied. ‘I do not know that it makes Renly King. Joffrey is still Robert’s eldest trueborn, so the throne is rightfully his. Were he to die, and I mean to see that he does, he has a younger brother. Tommen is next in line after Joffrey.’ When others argue for Renly’s many Kingly qualities: ‘What does Lord Stannis have against that, that we should cast it all aside?’ ‘The right’ said Robb stubbornly. Catelyn thought he sounded eerily like his father as he said it’. We frequently see evidence throughout these chapters that Robb would have made a balanced and fair King, due to the influence of both Ned and Catelyn.

As time goes on, however, Cat loses some of her influence over Robb: ‘He wants me gone, Catelyn thought wearily. Kings are not supposed to have mothers, it would seem, and I tell him things he does not want to hear.’

They both make errors in judgment that have dire consequences; Catelyn freeing Jaime, and Robb marrying Jeyne (is she another future plot hidden pregnancy?) This gets in the way of Robb heading Cat’s council, and he is no longer as receptive to her instincts, for example, his decision to distance himself from Grey Wind due to Jeyne’s fear. He begins to show his age and stubborn attitude after marrying, holding Cat at arm’s length:

‘You always kept him with you before.’ ‘He’s part of you, Robb. To fear him is to fear you.’ ‘I am a not a wolf, whatever they call me’. Robb sounded cross’. ‘‘These wolves are more than wolves, Robb. You must know that. I think perhaps the gods sent them to us. Your

father’s gods, the old gods of the north.’

Robb becomes disillusioned and extremely strained as he begins to grasp the truth of war and his burden. It is due in part to his and Cat’s rash actions and their consequences that his success begins to unravel, and we head towards the red wedding. It is also now, that we see Robb and Cat grow stronger together, as they both understand what they have lost and prepare themselves to press on. Catelyn does try to encourage him to surrender, however, she understands that this is her motherly desire, that he is too like Ned and has come to far to do so. When they meet their end, they are at a place of mutual understanding, prepared to carry on for their family and home.

‘Gods be good, why would any man ever want to be king? When everyone was shouting King in the North, I swore to myself, that I would be a good king, as honourable as Father, strong, just, loyal to my friends and brave when I faced my enemies… now I can’t even tell one from the other.’

Catelyn’s scene at the red wedding is heart wrenching, and her last act is to offer herself as sacrifice for Robb, paralleling Ned for Sansa. ‘They could do as they wished with her; imprison her, kill her, it made no matter. She had lived too long, and Ned was waiting. It was Robb she feared for’. And, of her last thoughts, Ned:

‘No, don’t cut my hair, Ned loves my hair’.

I want peace for Catelyn and for her to be with Ned. I think GRRM knows this and intends it for the reader, which is why I feel like Arya will have a part to play in Lady Stoneheart’s story, possibly killing her and allowing her to be at peace with the knowledge that at least some of her children live.

Lady Stoneheart

As I mentioned before, I don’t love the Stoneheart plot and prefer to leave it with Catelyn. I do, though, appreciate the extent of GRRM’s foreshadowing, so will leave this post with so wee quotes. Please let me know what you think of Cat as she can definitely be a bit of an ambivalent character and let me know how you think her arc will end. I really appreciate anyone who has read this post and shares my love of ASOIAF!  

‘Sometimes she felt as if her heart had turned to stone’ (AGOT)

‘The face of a drowned woman, Catelyn thought. Can you drown in grief?’ ((ACOK)

‘When they took his head off, they killed me too.’ (ACOK)

‘The silent sisters do not speak to the living, but some say they can talk to the dead. And how she envied that.’ (ACOK)

‘I am become a sour woman. I am a creature of grief and dust and bitter longings. There is an empty place within me where my heart once was.’ (ACOK)

‘It is too late for ifs, and too late for rescues’, Catelyn said. ‘All that remains is vengeance’. (ASOS)

‘If anything befell you, I would go mad, Robb. You are all I have left’. (ASOS)

Some more of my ‘art’ part 3

My first time painting Hogwarts as part of my sister’s Christmas present. I find buildings quite hard to paint because of all the greys, but it was still fun to try. I also gave up with the mountain haha, so I used fake gold leaf and goblet of fire pages to make a wee collage (this part looks better in real life).

This is based on a famous painting I saw in Glasgow by an artist called Scarlett Raven. Hers is obviously much more detailed and beautiful, but as I don’t have £10,000, I tried my best to make my own version!

This is the closest I’ll get to drawing a person because faces are too hard! I love Medusa and patterns so decided to combine them which I think worked fairly well for this one. The first Medusa painting I ever tried genuinely looks like Gladys from friends hahaha.

Earlier in the year I enjoyed using acrylic pens to make wee patterns on some old records.

This one was hard again because of the greys- I’ll have to eventually buy decent acrylics or oils if I’d like to try painting properly- but here is a wee version of the Sagrada Familia to remind me of the fun times where travel was a safe thing to do. Hopefully those times will return! 🙂

Lastly, a quick little pen and ink bright pattern which kept me busy for a wee while during isolation (yesterday was my freedom day, wooo! Feeling very lucky to have only had minor symptoms thanks to having both vaccines).

I love painting using bright colours, please recommend any artists who use bright colours or detailed patterns! If you draw or paint, please link your blog or insta, I always love to get inspiration and see other’s work 🙂

November books

The Aeneid- Virgil: Robert Fagles translation (physical book, new read)

‘’Robert Fagles’s latest achievement completes the magnificent triptych of Western epics. A sweeping story of arms and heroism, The Aeneid follows the adventures of Aeneas, who flees the ashes of Troy to embark upon a tortuous course that brings him to Italy and fulfills his destiny as founder of the Roman people. Retaining all of the gravitas and humanity of the original, this powerful blend of poetry and myth remains as relevant today as when it was first written.’’ (The Aeneid synopsis)

I’ve never studied literature or classics so I definitely don’t get as much from books like this as others, however, I’ve finally binge read enough mythology retellings to be able to read and keep up with The Iliad, Odyssey and Aeneid. I knew little about this book, but I found it interesting and fairly readable, although I did prefer the early chapters with Dido and the underworld, and I began to feel a bit restless by the end of the story as wars and battle scenes are not my favourite unless I’m extremely invested in characters. The most striking thing I did find was the parallels between ASOIAF, particularly Aeneas and Daenerys and to a lesser extent Jon (unsurprising as Dany/Jon’s stories parallel in themselves). I’m extremely interested in ASOIAF mythology parallels and already made a blog post about some Greek/Norse parallels if you’re interested 😊. I recently bought the illustrated Game of Thrones (I do enjoy wasting money hahaha) and I’d love to reread the series (maybe one character at a time?) analysing anything that interests me and looking for parallels. I think next year (woohoo goodbye 2020) I’ll definitely give this a go and incorporate it into some rambly blog posts in a way.

Important/meaningful quote:

“Do the gods light this fire in our hearts or does each man’s mad desire become his god?”

Pride and prejudice- Jane Austen (audiobook, reread)

‘’Pride and Prejudice is one of the most cherished love stories in English literature; Jane Austen’s 1813 masterpiece has a lasting effect on everyone who reads it. The pride of high-ranking Mr Darcy and the prejudice of middle-class Elizabeth Bennet conduct an absorbing dance through the rigid social hierarchies of early-nineteenth-century England, with the passion of the two unlikely lovers growing as their union seems ever more improbable.’’ (Pride and Prejudice synopsis)

I read this in a very strange format, because I listened to Jen Campbell reading the book aloud. For those who don’t know, Jen is a writer with a youtube channel focusing on books. Over lockdown, she read Pride and Prejudice aloud and turned it into a youtube audiobook. This was a really interesting way to read this book! I’ve always loved the film, but I didn’t really have strong thoughts towards the book the first time I read it, around 6 years ago- I read wee bits at a time over a few months which made if feel a bit disjointed. I loved it a lot more this time around, I think with classics, audiobook can be the way to go for me to really bring the characters to life 😊. I’m sure everyone knows what this is about or has read it, but if you haven’t, I’d recommend giving it a go 😊. I love Lizzie as a character and the feminist themes throughout, particularly interesting due to the time period of the story. Also, not relevant to the book, but I’d recommend listening to the films score, especially ‘Your hands are cold’, it’s so beautiful.

Important/meaningful quote:

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! — When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”

Great Goddesses: Life lessons from myths and monsters- Nikita Gill (physical book, new read)

‘’Wonder at Medusa’s potent venom, Circe’s fierce sorcery and Athena rising up over Olympus, as Nikita Gill majestically explores the untold stories of the life bringers, warriors, creators, survivors and destroyers that shook the world – the great Greek Goddesses.
Vividly re-imagined and beautifully illustrated, step into an ancient world transformed by modern feminist magic.’’ (Great Goddesses synopsis)

I read this at the start of the month and my memory is fading haha, but I found it interesting 😊. The writing style is lovely and I’m glad that I found it enjoyable as I don’t always love poetry. The illustrations are absolutely beautiful, I’ve already stolen an idea to try and paint hahah. Again, it got me wanting to find more asoiaf parallels, such as Arya and Artemis, Stannis and Agamemnon. It’s a very engaging feminist retelling, however, there are trigger warnings for themes of rape and assault. The intention of these accounts is to shift the blame back to the men and Gods carrying out these horrific assaults, supporting woman to overcome trauma, however, it could nevertheless be triggering so it’s important to know going into the story. I would say, I enjoyed this book more before they started bringing the Goddesses into our modern world- apart from Percy Jackson, this seems to be a theme within my reading experiences of mythology, I don’t really enjoy reading about the Gods and Goddesses within the modern world.

Important/meaningful quote:

“Every woman is both match and spark, a light for each other from the dark.”

Athena’s Child- Hannah Lynn (physical book, new read)

‘’Gifted and burdened with beauty far beyond that of mere mortals, Medusa seeks sanctuary with the Goddess Athena. But when the lustful gaze of mighty Poseidon falls upon her, even the Temple of Athena cannot protect her. Young Perseus embarks on a seemingly impossible quest. Equipped with only bravado and determination, his only chance of success lays in the hands of his immortal siblings. Medusa and Perseus soon become pawns of spiteful and selfish gods. Faced with the repercussions of Athena’s wrath Medusa has no choice but to flee and hide. But can she do so without becoming the monster they say she is?’’ (Athena’s Child synopsis)

I can’t tell who this book was aimed for as it was interesting and fast paced but something about it felt young, it sometimes felt like YA but I’m not certain. Either way, it would be a good place to start in terms of myth retellings. This is a very glum story, but I enjoyed learning more about Perseus and his story (I knew quite a bit about Medusa already), particularly learning about his mother and I previously only knew what I’d read from Percy Jackson haha. I mentioned Jen Campbell earlier on, she has been discussing the use of disfigurement in characters as a negative trope being associated with ‘ugly’ or ‘evil’ characters, I’d recommend looking up her Instagram and reading her article. This is a very prevalent issue in stories and this book definitely equated disfigurement with ugliness and becoming evil or losing humanity in some way. This is not Lynn’s fault as this stems from early mythology itself, however, when retelling these stories, I think authors could be more conscious about this and use the opportunity to rewrite these tropes.

Troy: The Siege of Troy Retold- Stephen Fry (audiobook, new read)

‘’The story of Troy speaks to all of us – the kidnapping of Helen, a queen celebrated for her beauty, sees the Greeks launch a thousand ships against that great city, to which they will lay siege for ten whole and very bloody years. The stage is set for the oldest and greatest story ever told, where monstrous passions meet the highest ideals and the lowest cunning. In Troy you will find heroism and hatred, love and loss, revenge and regret, desire and despair. It is these human passions, written bloodily in the sands of a distant shore, that still speak to us today.’’ (Troy synopsis)

I loved listening to this, you can feel Fry’s interest in the subject and his enthusiasm makes it even better to listen to. This was my favourite listen of the trilogy as I’ve always been slightly more interested in the Trojan War and the people involved than the stories of the Gods alone (and I’ve never been particularly interested in the heroes, I can never seem to retain much info about Hercules/Heracles despite reading lots). This trilogy is definitely a great place to start with mythology and I enjoy the humour and input from Fry throughout. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of reading the story of the Trojan War, I enjoy the different perspectives of each writer and I was happy to see Achilles/Patroclus mentioned as lovers in this account as this is the version of their story that I prefer. I’ve mentioned this before, but I love that in every single myth retelling that I’ve read (including the Iliad), Patroclus is consistently a genuinely good compassionate person (there are few others that I can say the same about, except Briseis and some of the Trojan women).

Love lessons- Jacqueline Wilson (e-book, reread)

‘’Fourteen-year-old Prue and her sister Grace have been educated at home by their controlling, super-strict father all their lives. Forced to wear Mum’s odd hand-made garments and forbidden from reading teenage magazines, they know they’re very different to ‘normal’ girls – but when Dad has a stroke and ends up in hospital, unable to move or speak, Prue suddenly discovers what it’s like to have a little freedom.

Sent to a real school for the first time, Prue struggles to fit in. The only person she can talk to is her kindly, young – and handsome – art teacher, Rax. They quickly bond, and Prue feels more and more drawn to him. As her feelings grow stronger, she begins to realise that he might feel the same way about her. But nothing could ever happen between them – could it?’’ (Love Lessons synopsis)

I wanted to finish my nostalgic Wilson binge with another book that I loved as a child/teen. This is another of her older, darker books with themes of authoritative fathers (potentially verbally abusive) and heavily features a grooming type scenario between a 14 year old student and her art teacher. I’ve always found the tone of this book to feel far different from Wilson’s other books, you definitely get the sense of alienation Prue feels around others her age and the strain within her family and environments. Again, I appreciate Wilson’s approach to discussing heavy topics and would recommend this book if you enjoy her others.

Office Girl- Joe Meno (physical book, new read)

‘’Set in 1999 – just before the end of one world and the beginning of another – Office Girl is the story of two youths caught between the uncertainty of their futures and the all-too-brief moments of modern life. Odile is a lovely 23 year-old art-school dropout, a minor vandal, and a hopeless dreamer. Jack is a 25 year-old shirker who’s most happy capturing the endless noises of the city on his out-of-date tape recorder. Together they decide to start their own art movement in defiance of a contemporary culture made dull by both the tedious and the obvious.’’ (Office Girl synopsis)

I don’t want to spend much time on this as I found it incredibly pretentious and want to roll my eyes even thinking back now. I can barely remember how it ended, the characters were manic-pixie dream girls and boys and the themes were so dull and pretentious, I bought this from a charity shop not knowing anything about it and the only reason I finished it is because it’s a quick read and I have a compulsive need to finish books haha. I’m genuinely getting annoyed thinking about it. I also mentioned the representation of disfigurement earlier, I can’t remember the specific quote but there was a disgusting comment from a character that was very anti-disfigurement. I would not recommend this book; I will be trying to forget it.

I hope you’ve been reading lots of good books recently, please let me know if you’ve read any of these and liked them! 😊 I’m currently on 91 reads this year so I now feel a compulsive need to reach 100 before 2021. I’ll see what happens because I’m lazy haha, but December is usually filled with childhood rereads. Anyway, Merry Christmas month!

selling art to support black lives matter

In thinking about ways to support the black lives matter movement, I made a wee etsy to sell some things I’ve painted or drawn. 100% of the proceeds from anything I sell will be donated to Black Visions Collective, a charitable organisation that supports this movement. Since I just paint for fun they aren’t the best and might not sell, but I thought it would be a start to helping as much as I can. 🙂 I tend to like to paint on a larger scale but I’m unsure if I’m allowed to send huge canvases so I need to figure that out. The link to etsy is below:

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/CharitableArtByCarly

I find it relaxing to make little line drawings at times, so I’m going to do more of these as a simple easy thing to send to anyone interested.

I love Japanese style art and hope to look at more examples to recreate beautiful Japanese art.

I painted a mini version of The Wave off Kanagawa with a little collage. I enjoy painting this wave due to the abstract quality and I hope to paint more of these.

This has been quite a struggle and is something I need far more practise in so it’s looking a bit messy, but I found some old vinyl records and after picking the ones I want to keep, I’m left with lots to practise painting. Hopefully this will become more fun and less frustrating haha and I’ll keep trying new designs 🙂

I love sunflowers, they are always a go to when I’m painting.

this is a lot simpler than the paintings I like to do and I struggled to stop here, however, I know that lots of people prefer more simplistic or minimalist paintings (and they take less time if I want to make more) so I managed to control myself haha.

I’m always very critical of things I paint so I feel strange about potential selling them, but I feel better in the knowledge that any proceeds (if any crazy people buy anything) would be going towards an excellent cause. I am very aware of my position of privilege as a white person and I would appreciate any feedback on the ways in which I can actively promote anti-racism. I hope you’re all doing well, thank you for reading.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/CharitableArtByCarly

Some more of my ‘art’

Thank you everyone who commented nice things on the last post like this that I made, I’ve been painting more things when I feel like it during lockdown (not to get too political, but I will say here I’m Scottish and not happy with Boris Johnson’s announcement at all, I think it’s very dangerous but I’ll not go off in a tangent about that here) and it’s been quite fun to experiment with different little art things (I most recently painted Medusa but accidentally made her terrifying and a bit like the Gladys thing Phoebe painted in friends hahaha).

I painted this beachy landscape last year for my mum. Initially I felt like it was missing something and a bit plain because I’m used to bright colours and abstract patterns, but I think it was a nice change to try something simpler. Any artists reading, please don’t judge my composition, shadows etc hahaha I just do whatever feels fun so it’s never very realistic. This was fun to do but I prefer using drawing inks to acrylics as they’re a bit easier to use and add smaller details.

This was a quick little pen drawing which turned into a strange watercolour collage thing. I think I was inspired by tattoo drawings, I love the look on anatomical heart tattoos and line drawings. I had some carboard to use, so I decided to experiment to make the most of materials and try to be a little bit more sustainable. 😊

This is hard to take a photo of (ignore me waving haha), but this was coloured pencil flower I drew when I was 16 for school (again taking forever, accidentally making it abstract and overall stressing out my art teacher). I love including reds, oranges and purple in drawings. I think this was the first time I added detail through little dots, I do this quite a lot now.

Another school art painting, I’m still very unsure about this eight years later haha but I loved using different tones of brown for the background. Brown is another colour I love using in paintings, especially for collage backgrounds to add an antique kind of look (although it may just look like a child’s teabag treasure map haha).

This was an even earlier school painting using drawing inks, I think I need to invest in expensive inks one day because I’m not sure how I got the pink in the flower to go so light.

This was my attempt at more simplistic, less abstract art for school (to try and reduce my teacher’s rising stress levels), it feels unfinished to me but I’d love to try a sea based painting in the future and experiment with watercolours and ink patterns. 😊 Maybe including mermaids or fish.

I like to doodle little patterns sometimes and I love trying to draw in this style- I’m always in awe of beautiful henna designs and Asian patterns, I think they’re beautiful. It’s quite relaxing to draw using repeat patterns.

This is another old painting that I’d like to recreate one day on a larger scale, experimenting with different colours and patterns to add detail. I’m not sure how well it will go but I’ll definitely try this in the future. 😊

I painted this tiny Winter painting for my mum (and through on some fake snow because I couldn’t resist), I was watching Star Wars at the time which I think influenced the addition of a red moon in the background.

Thank you so much for reading this, please let me know of your hobbies that have been helping you recently, I always love to know what makes people feel happy and relaxed. 😊

Some of my ‘art’

I like to draw and paint sometimes, typically flowers and I love using drawing inks. I’m not a professional at all (and I’m quite lazy haha so I go through phases of painting) but I just thought I’d put some here for fun.

I recently painted this abstracty tiger thing- which turned out to be very relevant as the tiger kind started to appear everyone hahaha (still haven’t seen it). I don’t purposefully paint things in an abstract way, but they usually turn out this way because I like bright colour and I’m not great at proportion. I also included a picture of wee Dusty here as I am the crazy cat lady yet she has somehow not appeared in this blog.

I occasionally like to try and create a version of famous paintings like The Great Wave of Kanagawa by Hokusai– I love picturesque delicate Japanese art and think it’s really beautiful. I used drawing inks and made a little collage for the background, adding some pink which reminds me of cherry blossoms 🙂 I also used easter egg wrappers for the gold border haha (and little lyrics from across the universe because I love the Beatles)

this little sunflower started the collage backgrounds- partly because I think they’re pretty and like the old fashioned sepia tones, but also because I’m lazy and it makes for an easier background that painting would.

I wanted to try another sunflower collage on a much larger scale; this doesn’t photograph well at all but I used drawing inks again which create interesting colour changes depending on the light in the room (Dusty features in this one too hahaha). Again used easter eggs wrappers and made a collage- I like that collages also let me be a bit more sustainable, using old magazines and paper.

I think this is one that looks best at a glance and should definitely never be compared to the actual picture haha. I tend not to use coloured pencils or draw portraits, but the colours attracted me to this (and I LOVE Joker, it’s my favourite film of 2019 and Joaquin’s acting was absolutely beautiful) so I decided to give it a go. I need lots of work in this area but it was fun to try 🙂

I paited this flower a good few years ago (can you see the Christmas wrapping paper haha) again using my old favourites, the drawing inks.

This is another one that needs improvements and doesn’t photograph well, but I made this a fun challenge to try and finish it within 24 hours (because I had essays that I should really have been doing instead). I love flowers, I’m always drawn to painting them.

This was my school art final and I remember the stress of finishing this the day before the deadline haha, my art teacher must have absolutely hated me. I also remember that my mum accidentally spilled white paint all over it halfway through hahaha- I would say the benefit of paint of inks over pencil is the ability to fix mistakes. I think this was when I started to love drawing sunflowers 🙂

I love bright colours, but it’s sometimes quite relaxing to doodle with a pen whilst watching 27 episodes of game of thrones of listening to music, I enjoy little patterns and find it quite therapeutic, so this is maybe something I’d recommend in times of stress 🙂

I also love geometric and line drawings although I prefer looking at others black and white drawings as I’m not very good at them (because of my inability to draw proportionally haha). I did like practising line drawing and water colour on this little bee and I’d maybe like to draw more insects in the future as I think it’d be fun trying to get translucent wing colours through drawing inks. I’d also love to try a stained glass style painting in the future.

Another last minute school painting- I fondly remember crying at 2am hahaha- with my first time practising acrylics. The flowers could be better, I find it much easier to paint on a larger scale. Ironically my teacher got me to paint lots of skulls when I love animals and don’t eat meat haha (I would recommend animal skulls if you are practising painting as it’s very hard to tell if a mistake has been made with the composition).

I painted this quite recently, really letting loose with the bright colour and psychedelic patterns haha. I definitely copied a famous artist’s style for this painting but I feel bad because I can’t find the original at all! If you know who paints like this please let me know! I’d also like to try and paint a sun and moon in a tarot card style, I love that style.

I’m not sure what this was really all about, but thank you for reading! I know lots of people make it feel stressful to paint or draw if it’s not something you do often, but it’s so fun just to paint and mess around trying new things so I’d definitely recommend trying if it’s something you’d like to do 🙂 and if it goes wrong you can just tell people it’s abstract like I do hahaha. I hope you’re all well in the crazy lockdown times make the most of having time to try new things 🙂 (I say that, I’ve been painting Medusa for about six months and I’m too lazy to every finish it)