Christmas wellbeing

I just wanted to write really quickly to say that I know in what has been a very difficult year, Christmas will feel very hard for most people. I hope you’re able to stay positive, things will get better soon x

If you are struggling please feel free to speak to me and I’ll try to help if I can. Please always always seek professional support, for example if you live in the UK:

Samaritan 116 123

CALM 0800 58 58 58

YoungMinds 0800 018 2138

ChildLine 088 1111

I love reading, singing and painting to try to distract myself when I can, singing is something that I’ve always found particularly soothing and it brings me so much joy (even if I’m not the best), I love being able to find small joyful moments in the day

Sexuality

As a warning, this is probably more a stream of consciousness than anything else haha. I’d also like to make a little disclaimer here- I sometimes feel a bit selfish or self-involved whilst writing because there’s no conversation between people (apart from when you comment, thank you because I love reading comments!) so I have to use the word ‘I’ a lot which feels self-indulgent. I know this is kind of the point of a blog post haha but just know that I’m aware of it! This is also just a place to ramble, I am incredibly lucky to been safe and happy with a home, friends and family and there are so many larger issues going on. Lastly, I don’t represent everyone in the LGBTQIA community. That said, I would like to use this post to ramble about my sexuality.

Whilst I have always known that I have no interest in guys, I have also always been very aware of the prejudice, stigma and discrimination that can come with being labelled as gay or a lesbian. Whilst actively doing what I can to support LGBT causes, I have been very hesitant to come out as a lesbian. I have, however, now told my Mum and sister. I have social (and maybe general) anxiety which is maybe not always evident by looking at me- I often get told that I look incredibly laid back or relaxed which I always find amusing as I’m running through a million thoughts in my mind. In general, I am a laidback and chilled out person which makes for a very strange contrast to my simultaneously anxious ways. This anxiety is a combination of lots of things, from my introverted personality to losing my Dad as a child, and I feel like sexuality or relationships in general have contributed a lot to it. It can be very stressful discovering who you are when being gay still creates such an emotive response in society; I have accepted who I am and I would have been able to do this and meet people a lot earlier if it hadn’t been for the prejudice that exists (not by everyone, many people are amazing). In general, society assumes that being straight is the norm. This in itself is not necessarily a problem, however, society (generalising) also condemn people who do not ‘come out’ as lying or concealing their sexuality. In order to live a truthful, fulfilling life that may include having a relationship, LGBT people therefore have to come out, resulting in sexuality (I’m focusing more on sexuality than gender in this ramble) becoming a big revelation. This would maybe be okay if people were accepting; many are, however, there are still significant numbers of people who are homophobic. Therefore, if you are gay or bi, you are either ‘lying’ and hiding something, or you are vocal about your sexuality and therefore face prejudice (from some). This is a very, very difficult situation and has definitely contributed to my anxiety. I have spent most of my life single- in part, I have been very happy with this, I enjoy solitude and the freedom that comes with this. However, there are times- particularly when I think about the future (society also make you feel old by 24 hahaha)- that I feel lonely. I have been able to rid (supress) some of my anxiety in the past by ignoring my sexuality, however, if I do this for long enough I have become depressed. We therefore must do something about the world we live in where people experience anxiety for being themselves, or depression that comes from repressing your sexuality. Thank you so much everyone who is already taking steps to do this and support LGBT rights. My Mum and sister have been incredibly kind and supportive and have been upset only by the fact that they have seen how ill I have made myself in worrying about what to say and what people will think. However, I am still incredibly nervous to tell others and potentially experience prejudice or negative assumptions. There are also a number of men who genuinely believe that some more feminine girls lie about their sexuality to attract male attention, or who sexualise lesbian or bi girls (again, I am not referring to all men, I have so much respect for most people).

I don’t know where I’m going with this post but in a way it’s allowing me the chance to think about and vocalise some things that I have maybe suppressed. I think one of the things people are usually curious to know is when somebody ‘decided’ to be gay or realised- if I really took the time to think about my sexuality, I probably could have come out at any age. I have a specific memory of being around 6 and my friend talking about marrying a man and having children. Even then, I replied that I want children but don’t want to be married. The first time a guy kissed me I was in panic attack mode for around two days- this was the type of guy who, if I was straight I would have been attracted to. The fact that I felt nothing/anxiety when he kissed me signalled that I would not be able to lie to myself and I found this extremely stressful. I have never wanted a relationship with a man and have thought about it only in the past as a resolution to being forever alone- there were times when I considered pretending to be straight almost to make life easier. However, ultimately, I knew that I would become ill with anxiety and more importantly I could not lie to another person. I would be negatively affecting someone else’s life if I did this and I could not allow myself to do this. This would be incredibly unfair.

 Now that I feel free to admit that I’m not attracted to guys, I have space to think about my feelings. I have liked guys on a surface level before (because I put lots of effort into making myself hahaha, what a disaster) and I still blush or get nervous if an extremely attractive guy talks to me, however, this is the furthest my attraction goes, I have never wanted to be in a relationship with a guy. Interestingly, guys that I have dated in the past are bi or now have boyfriends- I feel like we both instantly felt safer and more relaxed with each other because we knew we were not straight hahaha (this post is probably quite something for a Fredian psychologist). Ironically, I feel like after I come out to everyone, I will be able to have stronger relationships with males. I’ve never really felt very close to guys, and having no brothers, I wish I had close male friends. However, I have always been concerned that if I am very friendly towards guys I meet that they will take it as flirting or assume I like them (not that they’d necessarily like me back, I don’t want to come across as being very vain because that’s not what I mean at all haha). It has been very stressful thinking of 1000000 reasons to reject guys that have asked me out (again, not saying there have been many) without hurting their feelings or being questioned by my friends (I’m honestly so curious as to what my friends think my sexuality is hahaha, my sister said she kind of thought I liked girls but also kind of thought I’d secretly dated more guys and just hadn’t told her, or just haven’t dated many people because I’m so shy/anxious).

 Because I am so stereotypically feminine, people assume that I am straight- despite a few subtle stereotypes such as being a crazy cat lady, loving Hozier, Lana del ray songs, Orange is the New Black, Killing Eve, doc martens and being vegan- also the subtle hint in that I show absolutely no interest in guys (I’d be intrigued to learn if anyone on here thought/assumed anything of my sexuality, I find it interesting to know). This is in some ways a blessing as I do not encounter negativity ort abuse from strangers who assume that I am gay, however, it also means that I will have to consistently come out throughout my life and experience the reactions that may not necessarily be positive.

Anyway, the point was I’m looking forward to hopefully building closer relationships to guys in the future because we will both know that it is entirely based upon platonic friendship. I think I’ll eventually be more confident and more able to be myself in general- hiding your sexuality wears (wheres?) you down over time. I’ve felt tired whilst socialising and spent a lot of time holding back, feeling secretive, or lying about which guys I find attractive. I am now worried that some girls may jump to the wrong conclusion that I must secretly like them, and this is something I find extremely stressful in the prospect of telling my friends that I like girls. I always try to go for the approach of saying nothing about guys where I can rather than directly lying, but as I mentioned earlier, having to ‘lie’ is not something to be ashamed of- it is unfair of society to condemn people for hiding their sexuality when the world can be homophobic.

I’m also excited to now feel able to think about what I want in the future, where before it was an anxious disaster cycle of deciding whether to be alone forever (which I still might be, who knows hahaha, and ps. It’s completely fine if you want to be), being with guys which I know I would not be able to sustain long term or coming out. I think this time to think is necessary, as contrary to what some people believe, coming out does not mean you have all the answers and you are going to be in a relationship straight away. I now have more questions that before, for example, thinking about how I will have children and the issues/questions that will arise from this. However, the point is I am starting to feel free to think about these things, I am beginning to feel excited about the future and it is starting to have form. I believe that in coming out you are gifting yourself the freedom that most straight people take for granted (again, I am not reflecting on a number of important social justice issues here, I understand that there are significant problems and abuse that can take place in heterosexual relationships, I am simply reflecting upon the absence of issues specifically relating to sexuality). I have a long way to go and a lot more stress and anxiety to work through before reaching the ‘other side’ (this is very cheesy) but I feel freer already.

If you are currently in the place that I have been in, please feel free to talk to me (my Instagram is carlybooksandmusic), I will never reveal anything you say to anybody else. Also, please know that you do not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you’ve read this whole ramble haha, as soon as I post this I will probably be incredibly stressed (good old anxiety hahaha). I hope you’re well 😊 

privilege

guilt

equates to defensive acts

used to mask the privilege

that maintains ignorance.

But guilt

Is counterproductive

If only we’d listen

And question

Meritocratic structures

That allow the guilty

To maintain ignorance

And equate it to equity

And deny that it’s privilege.

It is time to start listening

It is past time to listen

We should feel guilty

But we should use this productively

And affect change

By becoming educated and listening.

bailproject.org

blacklivesmatter.com

change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd

My Favourite bands & singers

Music is one of my favourite things and on my walk today I was reflecting on how important I think music is as I listened to some songs I love. I really struggle choosing ‘favourites’ because I listen based on my mood and once I love a band or singer I love majority of their songs. I do, however, definitely have certain songs that I listen to constantly. I think for my three favourites artists I might pick my favourite song per album (which I’ll regret because I’ll probably be here for five hours trying to decide haha).

Also I love to sing- just for fun, I’m not the best- so I put in little videos of song covers, sorry for your ears hahaha

The Beatles

I LOVE the Beatles. A few years ago I hadn’t really listened to them (or at least thought I hadn’t because I didn’t realise how many popular songs they sang), and I wondered if they were slightly overrated because they are just absolutely everywhere, but after deciding to listen properly to their albums I became obsessed- I probably listened to only the Beatles for about four months (I do this whenever I find a new singer until I know most of their songs haha), read their biographies and dragged my family to Liverpool (I’d really recommend going to the Cavern club if you love music).

I don’t like a number of the problematic things I read about the individuals such as cheating on partners and Johns abusive relationship, I’d therefore say my favourites are probably George and Ringo. I tend to like George’s songs the most, although I also love John’s surreal lyrics and voice on the more soulful songs like Mr Moonlight (I feel sorry for Paul hahaha, I never mention him, I’m unsure why but in general I just like his voice and songs the least). So here I go on a stressful and long quest to decide my favourite song of each album (maybe I’ll add some honourable mentions if I really struggle):

I saw her standing there (McCartney):

Starting with one of Paul’s songs to contradict what I just said hahaha, I just love how catchy this song is and its ability to stay in my head for a million years.

You Really Got a Hold on me (Smokey Robinson):

Not their song, but I had to choose it though because I love soulful, bluesy songs and the passion you can hear in it.

Can’t buy me love (McCartney):

Maybe I was wrong about Paul haha, another jazzy (I use this word way to much) cheery song.

Eight Day’s a week (Lennon with McCartney):

I do prefer the later albums and in general I enjoy a melancholy song that I can dramatically stare out the window to but I love singing along to their upbeat earlier songs on a long drive.

Ticket to Ride (Lennon):

I listened to this on repeat about 12 times the other day while I was riding my bike haha, it’s a good distraction from exercise.

Norwegian Wood (Lennon):

This is when it’s going to start to get hard to decide, I just love how unusual this songs sounds and the atmosphere created by the sitar. I do have to have ‘I’m looking through you’ as an honourable mention, I love that song.

I’m only sleeping (Lennon):

I think this is when the songs began to sound more unusual and interesting with George’s Indian influences. I love the tone and bridge in this song. Taxman is an honourable mention, this is a very good loud car song.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (Lennon):

It’s a classic, what can I say. I love this album and also have to mention Getting Better, Within You Without You and A Day in the Life– I’ll stop before I name every song in the album. I’m also cheered when I hear Ringo sing.

While my Guitar Gently Weeps (Harrison):

I love George’s songs and the depth within them. I’m glad more of the songs he wrote made it to the albums, although if I was John or Paul I would probably be annoyed that he appeared with lil songs rivalling the famous partnership. I do have to mention Happiness is a warm gun because I love both songs equally, I find this song so interesting and love the composition of a lot of John’s songs that don’t seem to fit the ‘mould’ of typical song formats. P.s I think I’m going to miss Yellow Submarine album haha, this will already be very very long.

I want you.. She’s so Heavy (Lennon):

Abbey Road is my favourite album so this was very, very hard to pick but I love this song, it’s so soulful and dramatic and powerful, this is definitely a song to listen to on repeat on a dark night while it rains against the window.

I also now feel the need to mention half the album as it’s a masterpiece: Something is one of the prettiest songs I’ve ever heard, I recently listened to the studio demo and I love that too, I’d recommend listening to it! I have to mention the drums at the start of Come Together, the simple beautiful positivity of Here Comes the Sun¸ the almost unsettling composition of Because (I still want to get some sort of tattoo based on a song from this album), the harmonies on Sun King, and the end of The End. This album is incredible, and I could listen to it forever (I just wish the Beatles were in a happier place while making it).

Don’t Let me Down (Lennon) and I, Me, Mine (Harrison):

I can’t pick between the two, they’re some of my overall favourite songs. Don’t let me down again has the soulful, passionate almost angsty feeling that I apparently love and that John wrote so well (I love the video of the Beatles rooftop concert, please watch Paul’s little dance during this song hahaha. Also I love their jackets and would wear them). I played lots of Beatles songs while I was on placement in primary one before Christmas (I’m a student teacher, it was hard finding appropriate songs for the kids and even don’t let me down is only semi appropriate hahaha), and when I left the teacher had got the children to draw little pictures beside the lyrics to this song as a present (I cried haha).

There’s also something about I, Me, Mine, I think it’s the guitar at the start of the song (I sadly know nothing about instruments so I’m not very eloquent at explaining what I mean, but electric guitars can really make a song); this is one of the rare songs I just never ever skip when it comes on shuffle.

Please let me know your favourite Beatle’s songs, I’m also so interested in people’s different tastes. I’m also very excited to going back to Liverpool at some point, hopefully next year. 😊

Arctic Monkeys

I think it was three years ago that I began to listen to Arctic Monkeys and realised my love for them (thank you Peaky Blinders haha). Even if you think you’re unfamiliar with their songs, you will probably know a few if you’ve watched any British tv e.g. Inbetweeners, Gavin and Stacey. I tend to like a band or singer’s music even more when I find the singer charismatic or funny, and I love watching Alex Turner’s interviews, the level of sarcasm is quite something (also, nice accent and face). Also, if you like arctic monkeys please look up the Nick O’Malley kidnapped theory hahaha. I got to see them play live at Trsnmt festival two years ago and they were incredible (got to the front and almost died but it was worth it).

Dancing Shoes:

Don’t know what to say, I just love this song (I don’t know why I thought this would be a good idea for a blog post hahaha). I also have to mention the classic I bet you look good on the dancefloor and I do enjoy singing along to you probably couldn’t see for the lights but you were staring straight at me– Alex is a very good story teller through his lyrics and can really set a scene.

505:

This is another very hard album to pick because I love 90% of them, but 505 has a somehow relaxing feeling to it and lots of heart. I also love the guitar used in this song, again know nothing about guitars but it has a beautiful sound to it. I’d recommend listening to this live at Trnsmt on youtube, I think this is the best it has ever sounded.

I also have to mention Brianstorm, Do me a favour and If you were there, Beware as perfect songs to listen to loudly on a long drive (my two musical moods are either depress myself or have a cheery concert in the car).

Crying Lightening:

I enjoy the heavier elements of this album, I think they get the best vocals out of Alex (the way he sings that last ‘crying’ line is perfection, and it is at this point that I realised I can’t write about music without sounding like a creep). I also love Pretty Visitors for this reason, and spent a good week trying to sing along perfectly.

Don’t sit down ‘cause I’ve moved your chair:

Probably my least favourite of their albums, but I love this song.

R U Mine?

This is the epitome of a song to listen to in the car, and I could probably listen to it 500 times on repeat. This album can’t really do wrong, I also love Arabella, one for the road, why’d you only call me when your high, knee socks and I wanna be yours (please listen to this song at night and try to deny that it is the most enchanting, bluesy, atmospheric song).

One Point Perspective:

Like most people, I spent the first few listens of this album figuring out what was going on and decided how I felt about it. After that, I decided to go with the flow and I love it now (I tend to like songs more once I know the lyrics so I can sing along), it’s very enjoyable to speak/sing along half listening to this album and his lovely accent. I also Star treatment, tranquillity base hotel and casino, and the very last note of the ultracheese is quite something. I hope that the band eventually make a new album (if they want to) and I get to see them live again someday.

Lana Del Rey

I’ve loved Lana since her first album, her music is incredibly dreamy and atmospheric, and I love the different tone of each album. I’ve also been lucky enough to see her live and hopefully can again one day (this year’s tour was cancelled).

Million Dollar Man:

This album is such an unusual, intoxicating mix of jazz, blues and hip-hop and I think it works so well. I remember when it first came out I had never heard anything like it. I also love Off to the races (despite it’s creepy Lolita vibes) and Lana’s rarely used higher tones. Ride is also one of my favourite songs ever, it’s so beautiful.

Brooklyn Baby:

I love the way Lana creates her own harmonies to overlay the songs and the almost siren like quality that this creates. This album is probably my favourite of hers and again I think it’s the electric guitar that makes it. I don’t think I truly have a favourite song from Ultraviolence, it’s one of the few albums I listen to without skipping. I particularly love Cruel World, ultraviolence, and West Coast, the atmosphere in this album has an otherworldly quality. Lana is another artist who can create emotive stories through song writing.

Terrence Love’s You:

I think Lana said herself that this album is her most ‘jazzy’ and whilst initially I was unsure of the pace after Born to Die, I love it now and find it melancholy in a lovely way. Terrence love’s you is one of my favourites and is another example of my interest in songs with unusual compositions/structure. I also love this strange, unsettling tone throughout this album, particularly evident in songs like Freak.

13 beaches:

This is maybe my least favourite Lana album but I still prefer to most albums in the world (when I like a singer I really like them). I think some of the songs on this album border on being too melancholic and I have to be in a particular mood to listen to this album, but when I am in that mood I love these songs. I also like the ‘hip hop’ elements that Lana started to reintroduce in this album, and I particularly like Cherry, White Mustang, in my feelings, when the world was at war before we kept dancing and tomorrow never came (just because it feels nostalgic); this album sums up why I can’t pick favourites hahaha, I said this is my least favourite album and I’ve still named half the songs on it.

Cinnamon Girl:

I’m less familiar with this album than her others, but as soon as I heard Cinnamon Girl I loved it, it’s so so beautiful. I also love Lana’s cover of Doin’ Time, it’s very different for her. Happiness is a Butterfly reminds me of happiness is a warm gun, I’m unsure if this is intentional or if I just have it in my head because of the name, but something about the unusual changes in composition feel similar to me and I know she loves John Lennon. I also love some of the lyrics and music that parallels the sounds of Born to die, it feels nostalgic.

Thank you for reading this, I’m so sorry I rambled. Please let me know if you like these singers and your favourite songs by them, I love hearing about music. There are many many more bands and singers I love, I think in the future I’ll write about some of my favourite songs (how lucky you are hahaha). 😊

April Favourites

Book:

I hadn’t heard of this author until this month, when I listened to the Podcast ‘Greek Mythology Retold’ and discovered that Janell Rhiannon is writing a book series called The Homeric Chronicles. I loved this book, it’s an interesting and easy to read account of the events leading up to Trojan wars. I’d recommend this is you like mythology and this might be a good place to start if you’ve never read a Greek myth but would like to- if you google some of the characters and Gods/Goddesses as you go along 😊

I’ve already mentioned Girl, Woman, other this month, but this was another favourite read because of the thought-provoking writing style and the interesting characters.

TV programme:

I rewatched Killing Eve this month before starting the new season, I love this programme. I tend not to like crime programmes but I love the balance of dark humour, well written characters and the atmosphere in this show- the music in Killing Eve has been used so well to create this atmosphere, I love the way music can influence the tone of a show. 😊 I can’t think of anything I’d change about this show, I’d recommend watching it if you’re bored (I also enjoy You for its similar humour).

Music:

I LOVE music, I think it’s so important for mental health and can really lift and affect my mood. I end up listening to the same songs constantly and this month (basically this entire year haha) I’ve listened to The Beatles constantly. For some reason I keep listening to I’m only sleeping in particular, this song will not leave my head when I hear it.

The song Spanish Sahara by Foals came on shuffle recently, I’d forgotten how much I love that song, it’s very calming and atmospheric (apparently my favourite word to describe things). I think I first heard it years ago watching Misfits, another amazing programme. 😊 I really should listen to some new songs, please let me know your favourite singers or bands!

The outdoors:

I’ve loved being able to get out most days and be around nature. I love riding my bike (very slowly, a man who was possibly 65 years old passed me today and rode away into the distance haha) and getting fresh air. (I know there’s no other way to write, but I feel like I say ‘I’ constantly and I’m very conscious of it now, it sounds very selfish haha). It’s also been good to feel a sense of community and see so many kind acts during the crazy times, even small acts such as clapping for the NHS and getting to speak to neighbours we wouldn’t usually get a chance to speak to- I’d like to say here that I completely understand the perspective of those who feel this is a pointless act and the biggest thing we can do is not vote the Tories. I’ve never voted the Tories and agree that they have made many many mistakes that negatively impact a number of people. I will continue to vote in a way that will hopefully remove the Tories power one day, and hope that we can become more liberal in our politics and actions. I do, however, think small kind acts have a place in maintaining positivity and helping people to feel together in times like these.

Someone has been painting little rocks with kind messages at the loch beside my house and it’s created such a nice sense of community, so me and my family decided to paint easter egg rocks at Easter as a little hunt for the children who live nearby. All of the stones disappeared so hopefully children enjoyed finding them, but a swan may have eaten them all, we’ll never know haha. I’d like to do something with books, like a little anonymous book swap at the loch, I’m unsure how that would work but it’d be quite fun to try 😊. I also enjoyed bringing some books for my gran to read and being able to speak to her (from a safe distance). I feel a bit useless sometimes because I can’t think of something I can safely do (my mum’s in the at risk category) to help or volunteer with, I’ll hopefully find something positive to do soon.

Cooking:

Cooking/baking seems to be everyone’s go to just now (I’ve managed not to make banana bread yet haha), its been fun trying to make new things- I’m a kind of possibly okay as long as it’s just me eating it type of cook, but I cannot bake hahaha. I like giving myself little challenges, so I’ve been trying to make creations from the food I’ve bought and I’m only shopping around once every three weeks. A quicken nugget (quorn) katsu curry has been my favourite creation, and my homemade pizza was not what I’d call edible. Homemade vegan brownie recipes are also pretty good! 😊

I really hope you’ve all felt okay this month, thank you for your comments and I’d really like to know what books, films and shows help you to feel better 😊 I’m ending this with a picture of Dusty because she’s always my favourite wee thing.

Some of my ‘art’

I like to draw and paint sometimes, typically flowers and I love using drawing inks. I’m not a professional at all (and I’m quite lazy haha so I go through phases of painting) but I just thought I’d put some here for fun.

I recently painted this abstracty tiger thing- which turned out to be very relevant as the tiger kind started to appear everyone hahaha (still haven’t seen it). I don’t purposefully paint things in an abstract way, but they usually turn out this way because I like bright colour and I’m not great at proportion. I also included a picture of wee Dusty here as I am the crazy cat lady yet she has somehow not appeared in this blog.

I occasionally like to try and create a version of famous paintings like The Great Wave of Kanagawa by Hokusai– I love picturesque delicate Japanese art and think it’s really beautiful. I used drawing inks and made a little collage for the background, adding some pink which reminds me of cherry blossoms 🙂 I also used easter egg wrappers for the gold border haha (and little lyrics from across the universe because I love the Beatles)

this little sunflower started the collage backgrounds- partly because I think they’re pretty and like the old fashioned sepia tones, but also because I’m lazy and it makes for an easier background that painting would.

I wanted to try another sunflower collage on a much larger scale; this doesn’t photograph well at all but I used drawing inks again which create interesting colour changes depending on the light in the room (Dusty features in this one too hahaha). Again used easter eggs wrappers and made a collage- I like that collages also let me be a bit more sustainable, using old magazines and paper.

I think this is one that looks best at a glance and should definitely never be compared to the actual picture haha. I tend not to use coloured pencils or draw portraits, but the colours attracted me to this (and I LOVE Joker, it’s my favourite film of 2019 and Joaquin’s acting was absolutely beautiful) so I decided to give it a go. I need lots of work in this area but it was fun to try 🙂

I paited this flower a good few years ago (can you see the Christmas wrapping paper haha) again using my old favourites, the drawing inks.

This is another one that needs improvements and doesn’t photograph well, but I made this a fun challenge to try and finish it within 24 hours (because I had essays that I should really have been doing instead). I love flowers, I’m always drawn to painting them.

This was my school art final and I remember the stress of finishing this the day before the deadline haha, my art teacher must have absolutely hated me. I also remember that my mum accidentally spilled white paint all over it halfway through hahaha- I would say the benefit of paint of inks over pencil is the ability to fix mistakes. I think this was when I started to love drawing sunflowers 🙂

I love bright colours, but it’s sometimes quite relaxing to doodle with a pen whilst watching 27 episodes of game of thrones of listening to music, I enjoy little patterns and find it quite therapeutic, so this is maybe something I’d recommend in times of stress 🙂

I also love geometric and line drawings although I prefer looking at others black and white drawings as I’m not very good at them (because of my inability to draw proportionally haha). I did like practising line drawing and water colour on this little bee and I’d maybe like to draw more insects in the future as I think it’d be fun trying to get translucent wing colours through drawing inks. I’d also love to try a stained glass style painting in the future.

Another last minute school painting- I fondly remember crying at 2am hahaha- with my first time practising acrylics. The flowers could be better, I find it much easier to paint on a larger scale. Ironically my teacher got me to paint lots of skulls when I love animals and don’t eat meat haha (I would recommend animal skulls if you are practising painting as it’s very hard to tell if a mistake has been made with the composition).

I painted this quite recently, really letting loose with the bright colour and psychedelic patterns haha. I definitely copied a famous artist’s style for this painting but I feel bad because I can’t find the original at all! If you know who paints like this please let me know! I’d also like to try and paint a sun and moon in a tarot card style, I love that style.

I’m not sure what this was really all about, but thank you for reading! I know lots of people make it feel stressful to paint or draw if it’s not something you do often, but it’s so fun just to paint and mess around trying new things so I’d definitely recommend trying if it’s something you’d like to do 🙂 and if it goes wrong you can just tell people it’s abstract like I do hahaha. I hope you’re all well in the crazy lockdown times make the most of having time to try new things 🙂 (I say that, I’ve been painting Medusa for about six months and I’m too lazy to every finish it)